OMG, I SOOOOO WANT HER!!!

I had no idea before today that Michelle Malkin was possessed of all the TVQ of a junior high school student.

LIGHTS, CAMERA, MALKIN!

Now, I understand that she's bent out of shape by Jodi Foster's recent...well, pretty much Foster's mere existence is enough to get Michelle's dander up, but her recent Bush Bash commencement address at the University of Pennsylvania's graduation seems to have inspired Michelle to try and go all Saturday Night Live.

Unfortunately, she chose 80s SNL over 70s.

While no one is more surprised than me that Jodi was bashing bush, it truly hurt to see my exotic conservative cupcake all in over her head with her attempts at "humor" and "political satire" and "delivery" and "trying to sound human and natural."

Don't get me wrong. Even with a delivery that's more dead than pan, I'd still lay her down in the tall grass and slip my ballot into her box until she screamed the key points of the Democratic platform in exstacy. I just wouldn't ask her to jazz up my speech for the White House Press Correspondant's Dinner.

Senate Makes English "Common and Unifying", not "National", Language: 11 Million Illiterate Americans Don't Know The Difference

An interesting point. According to the National Assessment of Adult Literacy, 11 million adult Americans are nonliterate in English. These numbers exclude adults who do not speak English living in the United States or who suffer from mental disabilities. NAAL's analysis of the state of adult literacy in the United States goes on to state that 30 million adults function at a "below basic" level of literacy in prose literacy, with 55% of these not graduating from high school, 20% being black, 26% being over 65 and 39% being hispanic.

Yet, the Senate has decided that the most important issue facing our country at the moment is that English be voted the official "common and unifying" language. Initially the bill called for English to be named the "national" language, but was later softened to "common and unifying".

Perhaps not all that common, though, since out of almost 300 million Americans, 11 million aren't literate and a total of 30 million Americans possess only the most basic level of literacy. That's 14%. But those people are black or hispanic (the new black) or in prison or didn't finish high school or all of the above, so we can ignore them.

I guess this is the rationale the President and Congress are using to completely ignore these numbers and support this garbage. Bush just sent a request to Congress for $1.6 billion to fund the 6,000 National Guard troops that will make all the difference in securing the Mexico/U.S. border.

I would think that money might be better spent in programs that serve to teach American citizens how to speak and read our "common and unifying" language, but I obviously don't understand the big picture.

Tony Snow gently hugs 150 years of American Culture

One media briefing into his tenure as White House Press Secretary, Tony Snow already has a verbal scandal to his name. For those of you who don't know, back on Tuesday, during his press conference, Snow frequently...well, twice, anyway, used the phrase "hugging the tar baby" or a varient thereof.

Now, speaking as a member of the theoretical South, we all know damn good and well what the phrase "tar baby" refers to. It's a phrase used to refer to black people, particularly black women and girls. It is also common in some literary theory to give the Tar Baby, probably the most famous of the Uncle Remus stories, the place of the lowest plantation worker.

So, for Snow (and how ironically funny is THAT name in this context?) to start tossing out stories of the Tar Baby and how he doesn't want to get caught like Brer Rabbit is just crashingly wrong.

Not that Snow would admit it. After his huge mess of a press gaggle last Friday, he figures actually admitting screwing up would be an even bigger mistake. Thus, we have the, "Well, slavery and degredation of black people is a part of American culture, but since people are obviously so touchy about it, I'll remove it from my stock of verbal bon mots, but I'll do it with bad grace." Scroll down for all the racist goodness from the new thin white lips of the White House.

You just have to love someone who can come up with a response like this when asked about his use of the term:

"Well, apparently, what's happened is, apparently some people are unfamiliar with the pathways of American culture, and don't realize the old Uncle Remus story where somebody hugs a tar baby."

No, Snowy, we're familiar with the "pathways of American culture" whereas you are sadly unfamiliar with the Uncle Remus tale that you claim gave you the term. Given, the it can be used to convey what you were going for, an inextricable problem or situation. However, as a Press Secretary, we would expect you to choose your words with more care.

Although, after the 6 years of this administration and it's nightmare parade of idiots prancing behind the podium, I guess there really is no reason to feel this way.

Enjoy the country club (maybe), you slimeball.

At a previous place of employment which shall remain nameless, when my supervisor had a mental breakdowns shortly after I joined the organization and had to take several weeks off to mend the shattered pieces of her psyche, we referred to it as "visiting the country club."

This phrase grew to encompass any embarrassing or potentially scandalous leave of absence someone might take, up to and including prison time.

So, Karl, I truly hope you enjoy your time at the country club and, once you're finished be nationally embarrassed, I sincerely hope that, if there's a God in Heaven, you'll suffer a massive coronary and die painfully and alone and then your spirit will be whisked straight to hell where you can finally start paying for what you've done to this country.

Karl Rove gets indicted, maybe, so Bush mobilizes National Guard to distract people.

Now, while this would be a great day, indeed, let's take a moment and realize a couple of things. First, while you can't get more radically, zealously, fanatically liberal than truthout.org, where this story was first "broken", they are not what you would call a touchstone of journalistic honesty. So this is probably wishful thinking. Second, I'm leaning towards wishful thinking because by noon Monday, there has been no main line news source pick-up or coverage. Methinks somewhere along the line, someone fibbed. Of course, there is a huge part of me that hopes this is just another example of the Cover Bush's Ass mentality of the current media gaggle and they're specifically not covering this because Snow sent out another nasty gram saying if they did, it would be a cold day in hell before they ever got to politely fire preapproved questions at him. Even I have a hard time, though, seriously believing they could get away with something like that.

So until there's an official announcement, this is the purest of speculation. It is interesting to note, however, that everyone pretty much immediately accepted it as not only possible, but probable, when it was announced. That is perhaps just as damning for the administration as an actual idictment.