Sieg Heil, Pope!

I expected today to be more good, clean fun watching Tom DeLay try to convince his party not to pull the plug on his vegetative political career. (Side Note: DeLayWatch 2005-"Still beating a dead vegitable"-DeLay claims Justice Anthony Kennedy's work "outrageous" in regards to Terri Schiavo affair. Well, if anyone knows about outrageous behavior, it's Tom.) Imagine my surprise when I found out that the newly elected Pope Benedict XVI was a Nazi!

I had to have a vodka and holy water before I even had my morning cigarette.

Okay, I guess I'm being unfair. He wasn't a card-carrying member, more like a proto-Nazi.

Apparently, youthful indiscretions are common for those who eventually become Pope. The recently late but always fabulous Pope John Paul was an actor. And we all know what they say about actors...

But Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger (A.K.A. Pope Benedict) tops that by being a former member of Hitler Youth back before they changed their name to The American Boy Scouts. So I guess all good Catholics out there can expect "goose-stepping" to be added to the traditional "sit, stand, kneel, sit, pray, kneel, sit, stand" aerobic workout that is their worship.

He claims he was forced into it, that membership in Hitler Youth was compulsory. This strikes me as the biggest cop out since Peter said, "Jesus? Jesus who? I don't even know the guy." There's this little thing called morality, Ratzinger, and while the Catholic church may have only a brushing acquaintence with it, that doesn't excuse you from not being Christ-like and bending over for the first Aryan top that patted you on the bottom.

Ratzinger has a reputation for being a strict adherent to church doctrine and a stern disciplinarian. Although, really, that's sort of a given. He's been quoted as saying politicians that support abortion and euthanasia rights are cooperating in evil and should be gassed...er, denied communion.

Evidently RatPope is all about "unifying the Christian church" and reminding Europe of it's Christian roots. Because, as we all know, people who say things like "Gays should expect violence if they continue to press for rights and protection" (a statement almost worthy of being attributed to Dubbya) and "Women should accept their role and stay home and raise children rather than aspire to the priesthood" are generally all about unification.

Israel was not amused. Apparently, though, they've gotten better writers, ones who understand the power of sly wit. Foreign Minister Silvan Shalom comment on the announcement went something like, "I'm sure the new Pope will take a strong stand against anti-Semitism, considering his background." Oooo, bitchy! Looks like the yarmulkes are off, folks.

Needless to say, conservative Republican Catholics are practically pissing themselves with murky joy. Philadelphia Cardinal Justin Regali claims Ratzinger has the "human touch." Well, I guess one might have to touch the homosexuals as one is pushing them into the "showers," so I suppose it qualifies. New York Cardinal Edward Egan called Ratzinger "loving and lovely."

I’m not sure exactly what "love" means, but I'm willing to go out on a limb and suggest that it probably has very little to do with a penchant for ethnic cleansing.