Chocolate Covered Ants

Blessed are those...

2006-05-26T12:37:00.000-07:00

I have always loved the Beatitudes, Matthew 5:3-10, the simple messages of hope and consolation offered in The Sermon on the Mount:

Blessed are the poor in sprit: for theirs in the kingdom of Heaven.
Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth.
Blessed are they who mourn: for they shall be comforted.
Blessed are they that hunger and thirst after justice: for they shall have their fill.
Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy.
Blessed are the clean of heart: for they shall see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.
Blessed are they that suffer persecution for justice' sake: for theirs is the kingdom of Heaven.

Indeed, one of the central tenets of my whole religious concept is the seventh one listed, Matthew 5:9. Friends, meaning members of the Religious Society of Friends, wholly embrace the idea of peacemaking, obviously, and are willing to work towards that end.

The simple comfort offered by these passages is what I cherish in them. Frequently, non-religious friends and acquaintances will tell me that religion is just a crutch to deal with mortality and a host of social ills and that a truly strong mind and person doesn’t need it. They may be right. Probably are, to an extent. These same friends claim that my strong attraction to this passage probably stems from a desire for justice and parity and my deeply-seated lack of faith in humanity that precludes achieving it through anything other than divine means.

When friends try and psychoanalyze me this closely, I tend to lose their numbers.

Anyway, there is a ton of textual criticism on the exact meaning and relevance of the Beatitudes, but I've never really been satisfied with all the conclusions they draw. I think they make it too hard. I prefer to take the passage at face value, as a prescription for a better way to approach the world and its inherent hardships, with the knowledge that hardship can lead to improvement.

All of this is just a long and meandering way of saying I'm moving my blog to a new server and a new domain, www.forgottenbeatitudes.com. I'll keep this one going, because it's free, and maybe even post here occasionally, but it will no longer be my main. A friend who's blog-savvy I deeply respect convinced me that if I want people to read my blog, there are steps I need to take and, in order to take them, I've decided to basically start from scratch. FB will be more personal in nature, although I'm sure politics will creep in.

So, for all five of you who read this, check out www.forgottenbeatitudes.com.

It's Bird Flu Season.

2006-05-25T11:13:00.000-07:00

Do you have your paranoia ready?

More and more I'm hearing about people stockpiling water and tuna in an effort to outlast the 6-18 months of projected vital service interruptions that might happen should we have another flu pandemic. This could be due to the nature of website I visit and people I talk to and a general sense of distrust about everything at the moment. It could also be put down to blatant fear mongering from the media and some scientists hoping to cash in as well as government officials who have a vested interest in hyping the H5N1 virus as the Next Big Thing. For example, did you know that Rumsfeld holds between $5 and $25 million in biopharmaceutical producers Gilead Science. He even served as the Research Chairman prior between 1997 and 2001, when he joined BushCo. This is interesting because Gilead Science holds the production rights on Tamiflu, the leading influenza-treatment drug. While fears of an avian flu pandemic have sent Gilead's stocks on a rocket rise from $35/share to $47/share, Rumsfeld has quietly raked it in.

Okay, now, I'm not suggesting that Rumsfeld is necessarily creating panic in order to boost his stock's value. However, he and the rest of the administration are doing very little to rationally address a possible flu pandemic or assert rational science into the process of preparedness.

There are a couple of reasons I'm not hugely worried at this point about H5N1 and the lastest cluster outbreak in Indonesia.

1. H5N1 is currently it's own worst enemy. The virus, for an influenza virus, kills quickly if it kills. In order for a virus to work it's way through a population, it must effectively spread beyond it's inital host before it stops that host's ability to spread it. If you're dead, you're not going to be going places where you can infect others. Thus, at the moment, H5N1 is its own best limiting agent, by taking infected individuals down very quickly, thus making it hard for a H2H transmissable variant of H5N1 to reach a large population area. Now, this could change. One of the viral development theories put forth is that, as the virus undergoes further iterations of it's structure (generations), the genetic change in a generation that would provide the virus with easy H2H transmission would also attenuate the virus, making it not so deadly or more easily treatable. While there is some speculation that this is, in fact, not happening, it is still a possibility as easy H2H transmission mutations still have not occured. Furthermore, the worst case scenario would be that the killer generation would possess all the lethality of the prime generation, but would take longer to present symptoms and kill the host, thus increasing the chances of a carrier coming into contact with a fertile host pool and triggering a pandemic.

2. Clusters are, at the moment, found in family environments. Currently, people who come into contact with body fluids of infected poultry and birds are at risk for developing H5N1 flu. However, clusters of infections have been limited to families. A cluster of infection is important because it may represent a generation of H5N1 that can easily pass between humans. However, the confinement of possible H2H transmissions to immediate families is important. There is a compelling theory that a certain portion of humans are subsceptible to this particular flu strain because of genetic predisposition. This would, for the moment, certainly preclude this from being a true pandemic. Clutering has noted that family units tend to show a pattern of blood relative infection, meaning that a father and the children are infected, while the mother isn't, or vice versa. This argues strongly for a genetic determinate coming into play at some point in the infection process, although is not by any means proof. Furthermore, the fact that cases remain isolated gives more support to the idea that only a subset of world population can be infected by this strain, as it is now, because they have the genetic trait required. Now, current situations don't necessarily rule out future behavior. While the virus may currently be tied to a genetic trait, mutation or genetic hybridization with other flu strains may remove that component of infection, thus opening a gateway for a true pandemic. It is also little comfort to people who possess the genetic marker that makes the subsceptible to H5N1. Finally, while this is a compelling argument, it is by no means assured. The family grouping clusters could be due to shared exposure to an infectious agent, such as a chicken or a person who has become ill (it is possible currently to transmit H5N1 from person to person, it is just very difficult to do) and that could be the limiting factor, rather than genetic makeup.

3. Again, H5N1 works against itself in it's pathology. Currently, H5N1 resides very low in the lungs when it infects a host. Death from H5N1 occurs not beacause of the virus itself, exactly, but from the body's own auto-immune system basically drowning the infected person in blood and mucus in the lungs in an attempt to flush out the H5N1 virus. It's deadly pathology, however, works against it's easy spread. It's prime infection site makes it hard for it to get out of an infected host. H2H transmission must currently happen the same way as avian to human transmission: direct contact with infectious bodily liquids, preferably blood and mucus. For the virus to be a true pandemic threat, it needs to obtain a more readily dispersable infection mechanism. Just coughing or breathing is not enough to cause infection.

So while the latest cluter in Indonesia is interesting in the sense it comprises the larges family cluster seen to date, it is not exactly the clarion call of doom that the media are making it out to be. WHO has wisely decided that this incident should be looked at closely, but it does not necessitate an increase in the pandemic threat level. Ultimately, from what I know at the moment, the only difference in this cluster is it's size in comparisson to other clusters, not it methodology. If it was an entire village rather than one extended family that, I believe, shares the same family tree branch, it would be cause for more worry. Even then, though, depending on the relative isolation/remoteness of the area, genetics may still be the determining factor because more isolated areas experience more common genetic traits due to a certain level of inbreeding.

At the moment, I'm far more worried about Bush giving Negroponte the power to keep government contractor assets on the downlow.

Mr Rogers And The 20 Million Dollar Grant

2006-05-24T14:27:00.000-07:00

This is how things should work.

Mr. Rogers Goes To The Heart.

God bless you, Mr. Rogers, wherever you are.

Muscles make you gay...

2006-05-24T13:09:00.000-07:00

Finally, there's an explanation for why so many gay men are so much more muscular than straight men. CNN's Deborah Feyerick brings us the answer and, according to unliscensed therapist Richard Cohen (lol, don't forget his "M.A." that he proudly displays on his book jacket cover), ex-gay and ex-slut (apparently), they're just carrying around a lot of "gay" in their muscles.

As usual, it's mother's fault.

Cohen says "breaking out of the gay lifestyle" is as simple as picking up a tennis raquet and beating the hell out of a pillow while screaming about how your mom made you want to suck dick by committing "emotional incest" (which just has buzzterm written all over it).

Of course, it could also be because of your "cold, distant" father. The way to remedy this is to have another man hug you. A lot. On a couch. Like a baby.

I'm fairly sure Cohen's next "theraputic technique" will involve slathering his penis in tabasco sauce and then barebacking with his clients, making them not crave the anal invasions so much. Or possibly there will be aggression therapy where he takes the prospective Not-Really-Ex-Gay-But-Much-Happier-Through-Repression gay out to a special gun range where they shoot at popup targets of Barbara Streissand, Judy Garland, Cher and Madonna to counteract the gay-ifying influence of show tunes and dance music.

Seriously, this is just some messed up shit right here.

Well, we've got "checks" covered....

2006-05-24T12:46:00.000-07:00

To bad we are in serious want of some balances.

Bush tells Negroponte that he can get companies off the hook from reporting laws because the knowledge that the CEO raided the corporate funds to build a beach house in the Bahamas might threaten national security.

Now, as the article points out, sitting Presidents have had the ability to do this since the late 70s. However, given this administration's close ties to corporations like Halliburton and their "reconstruction" efforts in Iraq, as well as the wiretapping scandal and it's relation to the big telecom companies, this is interesting. Now, not only can the Department of Justice not investigate the wiretaps because they can't get clearance, future programs by the big telecoms to provide governmental traces on citizen's phone lines can't even be traced by the large and mysterious paper trail left by the telecoms spending huge sums of money.

Nice. So, exactly, what separates the CIA/NSA from the Soviet-era KGB again?

You know, real Republicans should be in an uproar over this because it represents another broadening of governmental powers, restrictions and control that the Republican party was initially created to work against (an ideology which has been tacitly handed to the Libertarians). However, the Religio-Licans and RepubCo will probably support it because it has the words "national security" and promises that companies might be able to get away with asset-reporting murder if they play along with the Bush administration.

Disgraceful what they've done to this country. Disgraceful.

Go To Hell, Olmert.

2006-05-24T11:39:00.000-07:00

I suppose I shouldn't be surprised, really, at the blatant hypocracy of Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Olmert. Even as he claimed Israel would be a "willing partner in peace", a highly dubious and historically inaccurate claim, with the Palestinians, he threatened that it was willing to go it alone.

Well, not really alone, mind you, because the United States is pretty much Israel's bitch.

Before I get into this, I want to be completely clear. I am not anti-semetic, but I am rabidly anti-Zionist. Frequently these two different positions are lumped into one by people who then turn around and accuse governmental bodies of oversimplification of issues. I wish no harm to jewish people (I wish no harm to anyone), however there is absolutely no sane reason on the face of the planet that Israel, as a nation, should exist or that we as the United States should support it's existance.

Since it's horribly misguided and shockingly unfair creation in the 1940s on the basis of a nightmarish decision by the United Nations (which for me serves as one of the strongest arguments against the existance of the United Nations as well, an organization who's ideals and aims I tend to support), Israel has done nothing but agitate and anger it's region the entire Middle East, secure in the knowledge that it had the full support of the United States.

It continues that policy of agitation and aggression to this day. Olmert and his recent press junket tour of the U.S. is little more than an excuse for syncophants to come oozing out of the woodwork like blood pouring down the walls of the Amityville Horror house. It's also a blatant attempt to ramp up to a military action in Iran. The fact alone that Israel is pushing for such action should be enough for us to be against it.

Olmert's latest salvo was his address to Congress where he said choice bits of propoganda like, "We will not yield to terror." Israel, however, hasn't the slightest problem with using terror tactics to achieve it's ends. After all, it's only terror if it's not government-sponsored. Since it's inception, Israel has been guilty of blatant acts of terror and atrocity, but those go unconsidered because there are so many money links between the U.S. and Israel that it would be too inconvenient to own up to sponsoring a nation as guilty of "terrorism" as Palestine, Iraq, Afghanistan and Iran.

Israeli military historian, Aryeh Yitzahki, former Director of the Israeli Defense Force archives and lecturer at Bar Ilan University in Tel Aviv, has documented the shopping list of Israeli atrocities against Arabs during the War of Independence. Speaking about the battling around Arab villages between May and July of 1948:

Sometimes the report tells about blatant massacres which were committed after the battle, sometimes the massacres are committed in the heat of battle and while the villages are ‘cleansed’.

For example, author Nafeez Mosaddeq Ahmed points to a massacre that occured at al-Dawayima village on the 29th of October in 1948. A soldier present at the incident testified that, after the 89th Battalion entered the village without a fight, the killings commenced:

“The first wave of conquerors killed about 80 to 100 Arabs, women and children. The children they killed by breaking their heads with sticks. There was not a house without dead. One woman, with a newborn baby in her arms was employed to clean the courtyard.... (they) shot her and the baby.... This was not in the heat of battle.... but a system of expulsion and destruction”.--From Benny Morris' The Birth of the Palestinian Refugee Problem 1947-1949.

Israel was born in terror and has not renounced it's practice since, preferring to call it "self-defense" by moving it to a state-sponsored level.

This makes Olmert's claims of peace and willingness to work with Palestinians not only false, but particularly disgusting in that he still forget's Israel's own terrorist activities while attacking and punishing random Palestinian civilians for the same acts carried out on a smaller scale.

But he's getting what he wants. Olmert has secured a Yee-Haw backing from Bush, who has said unequivocably that if Israel is attacked, we will side with them. Olmert urges action against Iran, saying, "If we don't take Iran's bellicose rhetoric seriously now, we will be forced to take its nuclear aggression seriously later." Whereas, Israel's bellicose rhetoric and their confirmed possession of nuclear weapons (as well as their continuing unwillingness to officially disclose that information) is all right. And what action would be appropriate? A UN resolution? A laughable suggestion coming from Israel, as it frequently ignores UN resolutions passed against it. For 35 years, the U.N. has been calling on Israel to withdraw unconditionally from Palestinian territories, yet Israel willfully ignores these resolutions when it wishes . Thus, Israel continues to violate international law, secure in the knowledge that the U.S. will protect them from any U.N. fallout. This undermines the authority of the international body that gave them the supposed right to exist in the first place.

So, Olmert, go home. Never come back. If Israel wishes to play such hard ball, then it should do so by itself, and we, the United States, who are the purported leaders in the worldwide fight against terrorism, should dissolve all contact with this terrorist rogue nation.

Mind you, I know this will never happen. Still, it would be nice for us to be clean at least once in the past ten years or so.

Don't Make Me Pull This Quagmire Over!

2006-05-24T10:27:00.000-07:00

In a pathetic attempt to try and convince...well, just about everyone, that he hasn't sold out faster than tickets to Jenna Jameson replacing Julia Roberts on Broadway and doing the show nude AND on a pogo stick, Senator John McCain recently made some "off the cuff" remarks to the rich and powerful in New York.

Leaked examples intended to show us, the peons, that McCain only addresses those who have cashed in their souls and isn't souless himself.

I think my favorite bit is where, when asked what he would do in Iraq, McCain said,

"One of the things I would do if I were President would be to sit the Shiites and the Sunnis down and say, ‘Stop the bullshit.’”

Golly. What's next? Making Osama bin Laden go to his room and just think about what he's done? A vicious round of spankings for Saddam Hussein which are guaranteed to hurt you more than they do him? If only someone would have thought of that in Viet Nam. Of course, it might have been hard to find just two parties to sit down and force to make nice in that situation. Luckily Iraq is so much more clear cut, eh, John?

When you get schooled by a student young enough to be either your daughter or the sexual indiscretion that ends your political career and then have to set your Chief of Staff on her like an attack dog because you lack either the balls or the off-the-cuff wit to address her immediately and personally, then some vaguely "intergrity-esque" comments to rich and powerful New Yorkers are just not going to cut it.

However, I'm sure there are a lot of women and gay men out there with a daddy complex that would love for you to take them across your lap and paddle out some campaign contributions. At least that would be an honest exchange. Remember honesty, John? It's something you lost when you climbed into bed with BushCo.

I Choose You, NYC!

2006-05-22T19:30:00.000-07:00

I can't help but think the giant Pikachu balloon that attacked NYC today is somehow related to the negative response to Nintendo's changing the Revolution to the Wii.

Of course, he might have just wanted to see "The Color Purple: A New Musical."

OMG, I SOOOOO WANT HER!!!

2006-05-20T16:23:00.000-07:00

I had no idea before today that Michelle Malkin was possessed of all the TVQ of a junior high school student.

LIGHTS, CAMERA, MALKIN!

Now, I understand that she's bent out of shape by Jodi Foster's recent...well, pretty much Foster's mere existence is enough to get Michelle's dander up, but her recent Bush Bash commencement address at the University of Pennsylvania's graduation seems to have inspired Michelle to try and go all Saturday Night Live.

Unfortunately, she chose 80s SNL over 70s.

While no one is more surprised than me that Jodi was bashing bush, it truly hurt to see my exotic conservative cupcake all in over her head with her attempts at "humor" and "political satire" and "delivery" and "trying to sound human and natural."

Don't get me wrong. Even with a delivery that's more dead than pan, I'd still lay her down in the tall grass and slip my ballot into her box until she screamed the key points of the Democratic platform in exstacy. I just wouldn't ask her to jazz up my speech for the White House Press Correspondant's Dinner.

Senate Makes English "Common and Unifying", not "National", Language: 11 Million Illiterate Americans Don't Know The Difference

2006-05-19T10:01:00.000-07:00

An interesting point. According to the National Assessment of Adult Literacy, 11 million adult Americans are nonliterate in English. These numbers exclude adults who do not speak English living in the United States or who suffer from mental disabilities. NAAL's analysis of the state of adult literacy in the United States goes on to state that 30 million adults function at a "below basic" level of literacy in prose literacy, with 55% of these not graduating from high school, 20% being black, 26% being over 65 and 39% being hispanic.

Yet, the Senate has decided that the most important issue facing our country at the moment is that English be voted the official "common and unifying" language. Initially the bill called for English to be named the "national" language, but was later softened to "common and unifying".

Perhaps not all that common, though, since out of almost 300 million Americans, 11 million aren't literate and a total of 30 million Americans possess only the most basic level of literacy. That's 14%. But those people are black or hispanic (the new black) or in prison or didn't finish high school or all of the above, so we can ignore them.

I guess this is the rationale the President and Congress are using to completely ignore these numbers and support this garbage. Bush just sent a request to Congress for $1.6 billion to fund the 6,000 National Guard troops that will make all the difference in securing the Mexico/U.S. border.

I would think that money might be better spent in programs that serve to teach American citizens how to speak and read our "common and unifying" language, but I obviously don't understand the big picture.

Tony Snow gently hugs 150 years of American Culture

2006-05-19T09:35:00.000-07:00

One media briefing into his tenure as White House Press Secretary, Tony Snow already has a verbal scandal to his name. For those of you who don't know, back on Tuesday, during his press conference, Snow frequently...well, twice, anyway, used the phrase "hugging the tar baby" or a varient thereof.

Now, speaking as a member of the theoretical South, we all know damn good and well what the phrase "tar baby" refers to. It's a phrase used to refer to black people, particularly black women and girls. It is also common in some literary theory to give the Tar Baby, probably the most famous of the Uncle Remus stories, the place of the lowest plantation worker.

So, for Snow (and how ironically funny is THAT name in this context?) to start tossing out stories of the Tar Baby and how he doesn't want to get caught like Brer Rabbit is just crashingly wrong.

Not that Snow would admit it. After his huge mess of a press gaggle last Friday, he figures actually admitting screwing up would be an even bigger mistake. Thus, we have the, "Well, slavery and degredation of black people is a part of American culture, but since people are obviously so touchy about it, I'll remove it from my stock of verbal bon mots, but I'll do it with bad grace." Scroll down for all the racist goodness from the new thin white lips of the White House.

You just have to love someone who can come up with a response like this when asked about his use of the term:

"Well, apparently, what's happened is, apparently some people are unfamiliar with the pathways of American culture, and don't realize the old Uncle Remus story where somebody hugs a tar baby."

No, Snowy, we're familiar with the "pathways of American culture" whereas you are sadly unfamiliar with the Uncle Remus tale that you claim gave you the term. Given, the it can be used to convey what you were going for, an inextricable problem or situation. However, as a Press Secretary, we would expect you to choose your words with more care.

Although, after the 6 years of this administration and it's nightmare parade of idiots prancing behind the podium, I guess there really is no reason to feel this way.

Enjoy the country club (maybe), you slimeball.

2006-05-15T10:37:00.000-07:00

At a previous place of employment which shall remain nameless, when my supervisor had a mental breakdowns shortly after I joined the organization and had to take several weeks off to mend the shattered pieces of her psyche, we referred to it as "visiting the country club."

This phrase grew to encompass any embarrassing or potentially scandalous leave of absence someone might take, up to and including prison time.

So, Karl, I truly hope you enjoy your time at the country club and, once you're finished be nationally embarrassed, I sincerely hope that, if there's a God in Heaven, you'll suffer a massive coronary and die painfully and alone and then your spirit will be whisked straight to hell where you can finally start paying for what you've done to this country.

Karl Rove gets indicted, maybe, so Bush mobilizes National Guard to distract people.

Now, while this would be a great day, indeed, let's take a moment and realize a couple of things. First, while you can't get more radically, zealously, fanatically liberal than truthout.org, where this story was first "broken", they are not what you would call a touchstone of journalistic honesty. So this is probably wishful thinking. Second, I'm leaning towards wishful thinking because by noon Monday, there has been no main line news source pick-up or coverage. Methinks somewhere along the line, someone fibbed. Of course, there is a huge part of me that hopes this is just another example of the Cover Bush's Ass mentality of the current media gaggle and they're specifically not covering this because Snow sent out another nasty gram saying if they did, it would be a cold day in hell before they ever got to politely fire preapproved questions at him. Even I have a hard time, though, seriously believing they could get away with something like that.

So until there's an official announcement, this is the purest of speculation. It is interesting to note, however, that everyone pretty much immediately accepted it as not only possible, but probable, when it was announced. That is perhaps just as damning for the administration as an actual idictment.

Looks like he's gonna love them with his fist...

2006-05-12T11:13:00.000-07:00

In a sign that the disturbingly disfunctional relationship between the Bush White House and the media may be starting to crank (and hopefully the media will pull a Farah Fawcett, Burning Bed moment), Tony Snow slaped aroundThe New York Times, USA Today and CBS News. The shocking part is that they sort of slapped back.

It's not much, but it's something.

Of course, it would have been better if Axelrod said something like, "It is ludicrous for a Press Secretary to send out memos of a combative and critical nature before he has even held his first press conference. Furthermore, it is shockingly appalling that this secretary would think they have the power to control or even suggest what the journalistic institutions of this country print or cover. As members of a free media, we serve an important role as a watch dog on governmental operations and ensure that an administration does not run out of control and become a threat to not only the country itself, but the world at large. Our journalistic integrity demands that we continue to publish the truth and if Mr. Snow would rather we publish happy shiny facts then we suggest his administration starts producing more of them and less scandal, deceit and bad policy."

Axelrod might have gotten all the way to "journalistic integrity" before he burst out laughing and said, "No, no, I'm just kidding, Tony, please don't kick us out of the White House Press Slops Trough. Please! I'll blow you for coverage!"

Addition: Looks like Snow's not only mean, but an idiot.

So, after a week of bitching out the papers, Snow admits he's, "the new kid on the block," and he's, "not fully briefed on the issue." So he turns it over to Dana Perino, who hits like a girl, so he takes it back with the attitude that talking points read in a loud, aggressive voice are much more satisfactory than real answers.

Don't worry, Tony. I'm sure no one will ask you any questions that are too hard for you to give a bright rosy answer to at your first offical press briefing on Monday. After all, in any abusive relationship, there are two people involved.

And the next ball to be dropped by the Dems

2006-05-11T14:45:00.000-07:00

Since Dean has decided to become the DNC's whore in exchange for a title and his soul, saying that impeaching Bush would be a bad idea during "wartime" and constantly misquoting the Demcratic platform on the issue of same-sex marriage, I'm sure he'll be more than willing to let the fact that the Bush wiretapping extends to TENS OF MILLIONS OF AMERICAN CITIZENS.

Wow, who knew those sleeper cells were so widespread?

Dodging a new round of criticism, he claims the wiretapping was legal and, frankly, we'll have to take is word on it because the NSA decided NOT TO GIVE THE DEPARTMENT OF JUSTICE PROBE THE SECURITY CLEARANCE TO INVESTIGATE IT.

Effective, I must admit, if politically abhorent and a slap in the face of everything this country is supposed to stand for.

I'm sure WatergateGate will also blow over or be dropped/ignored by the Dems and even the continuing flood of idictments of standing Republicans, like Kentucky Governor Ernie Fletcher for conspiracy to hire/fire both personal staff and government workers on the basis of political affiliations, will slip through the enormous cracks in the Democratic party causing them to not capitalize on public opinion and lose 2006 elections as well as the 2008.

In a time when even conservative Republicans are getting fed up with Bush, it seems his only support is coming from Democrats who have proved themselves so spineless as to be unable to mount an offensive when God himself seems to be handing it to them on a silver platter. I mean, really, what does it take for people to stand up to this administration? Will Bush have to actually broadcast a live television special where he sodomizes an Iranian child while performing a Satanic ritual, drinking a 40 and wearing a T-shirt saying "Fuck Poor People, My Daddy's Rich"? Even then, I'm sure Dean would caution against precipitous action.

The whole thing just makes me sick.

Pitt slaps Cohen: Wheeee!

2006-05-11T09:21:00.000-07:00

See, Richard Cohen has managed to get a vague infamy out of the whole complaining about Colbert business. I'm not sure I would want this sort of press, though.

William Rivers Pitt tells Dick where the anger comes from...and exactly where he can go...

Best run-on sentece ever written:

Why the anger? It can be summed up in one run-on sentence: We have lost two towers in New York, a part of the Pentagon, an important American city called New Orleans, our economic solvency, our global reputation, our moral authority, our children's future, we have lost tens of thousands of American soldiers to death and grievous injury, we must endure the Abramoffs and the Cunninghams and the Libbys and the whores and the bribes and the utter corruption, we must contemplate the staggering depth of the hole we have been hurled down into, and we expect little to no help from the mainstream DC press, whose lazy go-along-to-get-along cocktail-circuit mentality allowed so much of this to happen because they failed comprehensively to do their job.

The Fugitive II: Richard Cohen runs away crying like a little girl.

2006-05-09T11:26:00.000-07:00

Okay, Stephen Colbert did a journalist's job by drawing attention to the shortcomings of both the presidency and those who cover it at the WHCD. We all know this. Many of us have seen the videos. In response, some of the chided press responded by basically saying, "Well, that's not funny," forgetting that the denial defence didn't prevent them from getting their asses kicked in junior high, either. Leading the vanguard of the self-appointed humor elite was Richard Cohen.

In order to be taken seriously, Cohen informed his readership that he's known as "a funny guy" in "certain circles" , frequently being demanded to produce chuckle product on the spot by cruel elementary teachers who had no idea that their merciless tactics would backfire and convince Richard As A Boy he was actually funny. Cohen then responds to Colbert's address with a critique so unfunny that Lenny Bruce immediately took control of every medium in the country and demanded that someone slap the hell out of him.

Needless to say, the blogosphere (I'm never sure if that word has the second "O" or not) reacted. They were already hoisting Colbert on their digital shoulders and parading him around the Intraweb's equivalent of the town square. Colbert accepts the adulation and acrimony with equal grace. He can afford to, when the blogosphere and, evidently, anyone with email capability was forming a "digital lynch mob" to deal with Cohen and his ilk.

Now, as a funny guy, you would think Cohen would be used to jokes going bad and the tide of the room turning against him and know how to deal with it. Perhaps this is just more proof that Cohen is about as funny as an AIDS patient with Avian Flu and a firm belief in the Bush Medicaid plan.

Cohen was overwhelmed with nearly 3,500 emails. As Cohen is obviously capable of huge generalizations, he admits he only looked into a few of the emails, saw they were less than congratulatory and promptly decided that the Intraweb was out to string him from the limb of the nearest logic tree. Still, you can understand how upset Cohen was and probably excuse his fear of the email swarm (over 2,000 more than he got for an article on Gore a week before) since, every time he opened an email, he got "a bucket of raw, untreated and disease-laden verbal sewage right in the face." Sewage like "You wouldn't know funny if it slapped you in the face," from Patrick Manley or "Colbert ROCKS, you MURDER" from the mononomic Ron.

Wow, that, um...stings?

Now Cohen is hunted like an animal through the twists and turns of cyberspace, hiding out in rarely visted websites, just hoping to find an electronic equivalent of the Underground Railroad which will take him to safety where if people disagree with you they have the decency to not tell you about it.

Which, come to think of it, would have been pretty good advice for Cohen in the first place.

There was a time when people could take the heat. If you wanted to say something critical about someone, you did with the understanding that others could say something critical back and there was no need to go around flagrantly using words like "vituperation". Cohen was critical of a critique and, somehow, thinks that it should end with him, that no one then has a right to be critical of him in turn.

Actually, you know what? That IS pretty funny.

Even better, Cohen then uses the imagined cybermob calling for his head as an indictment of the Democratic party, warning that the anger so obviously felt by the entire party will lead to their demise in 2008. Indeed, his own flame fest is merely the pyre of the martyred seer, barbequed for simply telling the world of Colbert's "unfunniness" and "irrelevance".

This is, of course, the second funny point in Cohen's post, the idea of a WP columnist calling ANYONE else out on their numbers...

In the end, Richard, I am unconvinced. Unconvinced that 3500 emails expressing varying degrees of agreement and disagreement with your opinion of Colbert proves that a simmering hatered lurks just below the surface of the Democratic Left. Unconvinced that the blogosphere and emailers really care about you enough to invest the sort of time it takes to find a rope and a convenient tree limb. And yes, at the end, still utterly unconvinced you are funny.

See, Dick, someone who was funny would have said something snappy in response to all this vitriolic electricity. Something like, "I may not know funny, but since I've accepted Bush as my personal saviour, I do know your address and your movement patterns, so watch your ass." Instead, you chose to whine about it in a flustered attempt to retain your relevance and composure. Basically, you proved Colbert's point.

So, really, I guess the joke's on you.

Ready to blow who?

2006-05-04T11:01:00.000-07:00

Apparently, George W. Bush, who fights crime in his superhero persona The Decider, was just so mad over Stephen Colbert's WHCD evisceration of both him and the media that, according to an article by Paul Bedard on US News and World Reports, "He's ready to blow."

Well, he's blown for the last six years, really, so this is nothing knew. Still, I'm not sure if Colbert's patriotic act will be big enough for Bush to somehow twist into justification for invading Iran. However, I'm sure the CIA will shortly manage to produce evidence that not only is Colbert helping the Iranians build nuclear weapons, he's also teaching them how to hide their WMD stockpiles so effectively that, three years after an invasion, they still can't be found.

You know, I've never been comfortable with the idea of roasts. It seems to me that, if you truly respect a person, the best way to convey that respect isn't to tell a group of peers that their penis is so small a female flea would question if it's in yet. I understand it, in a sense, that respect is earned and roasts are a way to show that the person being roasted has survived in a business that is both cruel and uncaring at the same time. Still, it just seems mean to me, and it's supposed to be, but mean in a loving way, like kissing your wife with your belt.

That's perhaps the problem with Colbert, though. He gave a roast but no one expected to be roasted. At most, everyone was ready for yet another evening of ego felating in the ivory tower that is Washington. Colbert, however, bit it off and this caused some surprise.

Of course, there was the surprise that he was actually doing it. More to the point, though, people new they didn't deserve a roast. Let me be clear, they didn't deserve a roast because they hadn't earned it. It's a fine line and they were aware they were on the wrong side of it. Instead of being able to laugh at himself, The Decider, in the spirit of the dry drunk, got angry because what was being said was true. The media has dismissed Colbert as unfunny, trying to pathetically spin the fact that once again they were skewered by some guy from Comedy Central.

They're right, in a way, though. It wasn't funny. It was just sad, sad that journalism in this country had fallen so far. A friend asked me, "Isn't it great how only Stewart and Colbert have the balls journalists are supposed to have?" I thought about it a whole moment before I said, "No, it's depressing and upsetting."

Still, I have to say that while the media and the blogosphere fight about Colbert's success, eveyone's missing the truly amazing story: Bush actually understood that he was the butt of the joke. Up till now, I had thought the subtle arts of parody and satire were beyond his ken. Maybe he's not as dumb as I thought he was? Don't get me wrong, he's still dumb, just not, "tape yourself having sex" dumb.

Thank God Stephen Colbert is coming up in the world...

2006-05-03T10:36:00.000-07:00

because Janeane Garofalo apparently can't go down on Tom Cruise and Scientology fast enough.

The New York Rescue Workers Detoxification Project...Let Go, Let Xenu.

Frankly, the fun of Janeane wore off for me awhile ago. There are much more astute and interesting left-wing commentators. However, when a noted pundit makes such an abrupt and unexpected 180, it always gives one pause.

Don't get me wrong. It's a very noble and necessary thing, to develop programs to help firemen and rescue workers who have been ill since 9/11. However, the NYRWDP is sort of like having Fred Phelps run an AIDS prevention program. Or, rather, asking Jack Abramoff to oversee a commission on lobby reform.

NYRWPD is little more than a front for Scientology to get government money for proselytization. There's a nice little "follow the links" article at Cult News that traces the connections. If you need any more proof, that is, other than a gushing Leah Remini, "Actress" and Scientology drone, who was basically given an open pulpit on Garofalo's show, "Majority Report".

So, wtf, Janeane? Not only are you endorsing an organization with clear ties to one of the most encompassing religious hoaxes of our times, but you are also throwing your valued rational thinking out the window by complementing a medical program that experts say has absolutely no scientific proof of success and may in fact be harmful. Maybe we can just chalk this one up to the madness that possessed New York upon the visit of Scientology scion, Tom Cruise. Maybe you'll get back to your usual critical thinking and examination of issues rather than turning your program into an infomercial for the people fighting against the spirits of dead space aliens.

Or maybe you've finally cracked under the weight of your own cynicism and we'll be reading in The Times about how you had to be pulled from your apartment, your hair a badly colored blonde, screaming about how Ann Coulter is sex on a stick and Rush Limbaugh was framed.

I have a new hero...well, a bit of a crush, actually.

2006-05-01T11:20:00.000-07:00

First, he was part of the creative team that gave us "Strangers With Candy". Now, from the pulpit of the WHCD, he has proven that he has the biggest set of brass balls in the country at the moment. Ladies and Gentlemen: Stephen Colbert

http://thankyoustephencolbert.org/

Ironically, she's actually a very petite woman.

2006-03-23T16:02:00.000-08:00

Apparently, St. Louis ex-shock jock is an accidental racist. You know the kind, sort of a bigot for the Tourettes set. They can be walking down the street on a sunny afternoon and just suddenly start whipping a passing black man. They'll be accepting an Image award and, forgetting their speech entirely, shout out, "Thanks, niggers!"

They'll also piss off people who listen to too much radio and get fired.

Now, given, it was an unfortunate misspeak. I'm certainly no fan of Condi and I wouldn't call her a "coon", then repeating it, even accidentally...well, I might call her a uber-butch bull dyke who most likely rolls her own tampons, but that has nothing to do with her race, just her inexplicable love of football and bombing people.

But getting fired for it when it was an obvious mistake? I think that's a bit too far. PC speak and "cultural sensitivity" issues are getting way out of hand, anymore. Sure, he should be repremanded. Sure, he should have to apologize formally both to the listeners and Condi The Bull Dyke. Sure, he should probably do some sort of community service to improve his image with the community he insulted. But calling in to complain about it to the point where the station manager has to fire the guy eight days after he started his "dream job" seems over the top. There's equal rights and cultural sensetivity, and then there's just silliness.

Mind you, it's not as weird as the strange British in Oxfordshire, England, who want to rewrite the nursery rhyme "Bah, bah, black sheep" to "Bah, bah, rainbow sheep" because the word black is now offensive in any context. Period. Whatsoever. Any time.

Of course, I'm not sure how turning the sheep from black into a wool-providing pride parade is less offensive. Honestly, I'm not sure how it was offensive to begin with. But aside from being a horrible scan-buster, it just goes to show: it's okay to be black, because we can all make fun of the gays. Or, since the teachers at these nursery schools are worried that calling the sheep "black" could be alienating, calling them "rainbow" means everyone is offended equally.

Or something like that. Frankly, it's all just too confusing anymore.

Should we all seek a level of cultural sensitivity? Of course we should. Issues of race, ethnicity and bigotry still plague not only the United States, but the entire world, in some form or other. Incidents like these, though, do nothing to lessen those issues. Indeed, they only serve to increase the frustration, resentment and general mistrust that causes them in the first place while trivializing very real concerns.

He learned it at his momma's knee.

2006-03-23T15:39:00.000-08:00

Nature vs. Nurture. It's a constant debate. Do kids go wrong because they had bad parents or are some people just born wrongheaded? Can a person's actions later in life be traced back solely to their parents?

Well, nurture just got a shot in the arm today.

Mammy Bush provides well for little Niel...because, as she said, everyone else actually improved their lot in Katrina.

While I approve of the Bush Oil Barrens wanting to "do something specifically for education", particularly since "No Child Left Behind" has been such an abysmal failure, to give money with the proviso that it specifically be used to buy software from BushChild Niel's company seems a bit...what's the word I'm looking for here...cronyish? I mean, not to call a Halliburton here, but c'mon.

Now, I'm sure everyone will counter with, "Maybe Ignite is the best educational software marketer out there and you're just being a crazy raving liberal who hates God, America and our troops by suggesting that Mammy Bush did wrong!" I have to admit, I don't know. Well, I don't know about the successfulness of Ignite's product.

What I do know is that Neil Bush, just like George W., has a long track record of spectacularly destroying businesses he comes into contact with. Not too mention the marriages. He also is completely used to having huge sums of money handed to him for no other real reason than his Daddy was President and now his brother is President. Let's not forget the great fun that was the Silverado Savings and Loan. $1 billion in taxpayer dollars gone and who had his hand in the pie?

So, no, I can't conclusively say that Ignite isn't the best educational software company on the market today and that Mammy Bush's desire to see her "generous" "donation" go directly into her son's pocket wasn't simply good business sense for the children and schools affected by Hurricane Katrina. It's completely possible that Neil has finally turned a corner, stopped having sex with asian women who just mysteriously show up at his hotel room door and throw their vaginas at him, ended his shady business dealings that cost both investors and taxpayers billions of dollars and become a model business man.

I mean, Roger Clinton got his...wait, bad example.

Billy Carter cleaned up his...er, no he didn't.

Well, there's always Donald Nixon who...was a complete and utter embaressment.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that there's a first time for everything.

This, probably, isn't it.

Vernon Robinson: An Uncle Tom for the new Millenium

2006-03-22T14:02:00.000-08:00

Yah, it's really the gays who are a threat to this country...

Now, as he's obviously a "man of color"...frankly, it doesn't matter what color because he's certainly not white, or even "white enough"...so one must assume that those "traditional American values" he's so eager to embrace and even harken to in his ad would have him drinking at separate water fountains, attending separate schools and using separate facilities in general, right? Ideally, they would have him doing all this while he was busy picking cotton on Master's plantation. Although, I guess with his amazing ability to sell out and kiss as much white ass as possible, he'd be a house servant of some sort.

Not sure exactly what sort of politicians you people in North Carolina go for, but if this is it, feel free to secede.

Yeasty Fermenting Sour Grapes

2006-03-15T15:03:00.000-08:00

I haven't seen Brokeback Mountain. I have no desire to see it. I've seen Brokeback Mountain done in 30 seconds (and starring bunnies) and that's really as close to it as I'm compelled to get.

However, I do find Annie Proulx swipe at the Academy delightfully bitchy and the quintessential definition of "bad loser".

I've seen Crash. It's crap. Really, astoundingly self-important, Hollywood trite crap. Still, having to complain about it winning over a movie about gay cowboys strikes me as unnessecary as taking out a full page ad in the New York Times proclaiming your heterosexuality.

Annie "Get Your Poison Pen" Proulx's Guardian column.

Okay, I understand you're upset, but let's be honest here. It's not like this movie cured cancer. It's not like it made peace in the Middle East. Hell, it's not like it even advanced equal rights for homosexuals in the United States. It's a movie. It's apparently good, but it lost. Get over it.

It strikes me as funny that someone who can use the descriptive passage, "out of touch not only with the shifting larger culture and the yeasty ferment that is America these days," in a piece complaining because someone didn't reward her writing. Come one, Annie. Did you just call America beer? Or maybe bread?

It takes a certain kind of chuztpah to be a vocally sore loser. A part of me salutes that vigor. However, the rest of me just laughs and laughs, saying, "Bitch, you didn't win, get over it."

NASA championing science...finally

2006-03-13T11:30:00.000-08:00

NASA goes on record as supporting global warming.

It's refreshing that the organization that has embodied many of the scientific advancements in our country for the last 50 years or so has finally remembered that, at the very core, it's the science that matters, not the governmental pandering. Mind you, I'm sure BushCo still rejects the implications and possibly even the mechanism, but when we're all living at the bottom of the new and expanded ocean, at least some of us will be able to do so with their integrity intact.

Another hero falls...

2006-03-11T15:05:00.000-08:00

Truly sad.

People always ask me, when I tell them about being a member of the Religious Society of Friends, about pacifism. In the face of the gross injustices in this world, the rampant violence and the sheer bloody brutality of some human beings towards others, how can one follow a path of non-violence and expect to not only stay alive, but to prosper and help others to prosper as well?

I believe the answer is now and always will be simply choice.

Choice is what elevates us, makes us unique and individual. We have instincts, natural reactions, inborn desires and reflex responses. It is by being able to evaluate them, the roots of their impulses, their outcomes, and then choose to override them that we become, and stay, human.

For myself, I must admit, that choice is made by me in not joining Christian Peacemaker Teams (although I have considered it) and going into areas like Iraq where their sort of support is desperately needed. By not doing this, I choose to not put myself in harm's way and, perhaps, this somewhat lessens the power of my individual choice. My preference is to stay at home and work to help those around me, be it with prison reform or more popular charities like literacy programs and homeless concerns.

However, when something like this happens, when a Friend falls, it hurts and the first reaction is always to hurt back, to unleash one's natural anger at the misguided people who killed him. Failing to find them, though, the next impulse is to hurt anyone who sort of resembles them in either form or deed. Then, you want to hurt everyone, who with casual stupidity an disrespect for human life, from Saddam to Osama to Bush, created the situation that put him in harms way in the first place. Then you want to hurt everyone who allowed those leaders to get away with these horrible decisions because we're all responsible for all these deaths and they will all weigh on us in whatever judgement awaits after this life. Finally, you want to hurt yourself for not working harder to raise the awareness of the people and get rid of the leaders who guide us down these dark paths. Or hurt yourself because you are uncertain if you would be as firm in your beliefs as someone like Tom Fox was, even to the end.

The trouble is, now that you've hurt everyone in the world, it doesn't make anything better and Tom Fox is still dead. Only now, everyone is hurt and everyone is nursing a grievance just like yours and everyone wants to hurt everyone else that much more and it just grows unchecked like a cancer, eating away at what makes us human beings.

So there has to be a choice. There has to be a conscious decision to disconnect at some point in the chain, and forcefully choose not to wander down that path. The support is there, both spiritually and rationally, but that doesn't make it any easier of a choice. It's a choice that must be made, however, if any good is to come from any of this. It's a choice that always must be made if any good is to come from anything. You can't choose for others, only for yourself. You can hope that your choice calls out to that of God in others, though, and makes them at least consider what choices they make. But that's as good as it gets. You make your choice with no guarantees other than the knowledge that your choice is right by humanity, although it may not always be acknowledged or appreciated.

Frequently, I reject the questions people ask me about pacifism and being a Friend. I charge them with stacking the deck. They give me some scenario like, "What if a killer had a gun up to your mother's/aunt's/lover's/wife's/child's/your head? I bet you wouldn't believe in pacifism then." I say they've created a lifeboat situation and that I refuse to allow the metric of my everyday morality to be based on a case so extreme that I will most likely never have to deal with it. After all, extreme situations are by their very definition not normal, so do normal rules of behavior, belief and morality even apply? I also refuse to play the game as they've set up the rules. The situation isn't designed to test my choices, or even to try and understand them. It is specifically created to break them. Indeed, it seems as if they seek to bring my own choice into question in order to somehow further validate their own moral code. It's as hostile as using a gun.

This is, however, just so much rhetoric. It sounds nice as I get ready to go volunteer at a homeless shelter or teach an adult how to read or scramble for freelance writing jobs or study to get into pharmacy school or whatever I do to fill the individual moments of my daily life. When compared to Tom Fox's practice of his faith, however, it seems useless. As useless as people debating the virtues of pacifism who will most likely never have to deal with a real world "lifeboating" of their beliefs.

Although it's tragic, in a way Fox's death is also heartening. It shows that, even when in those lifeboat situations, even when one is past all hope of rescue or return and all one has left is a choice between the principles one holds dear and one's own life, in the middle of an ocean of grief and regret and loss, people can still make a choice. A positive choice. People can still choose to be something better than circumstances and instinct would make of them.

It's also, in a very selfish way, deeply troubling because who knows if I could have made the same choice as he did.

Maybe Pac Man will eat her...

2006-03-09T16:22:00.000-08:00

In what seems to be an increasingly calculated attempt to piss off every last person who ever once made the mistake of saying, "I might vote for Hillary Clinton if she ran," Gamespot is reporting that Senators Clinton, Joseph Lieberman and Dick Durbin have decided to waste taxpayer money by having the CDC investigate the effect video games have on users. That's right, instead of spending tax dollars on things like cancer, AIDS and Avian flu, the CDC, at Hill's urging, is going to see if 20 hours straight of playing Dig-Dug makes little Timmy want to dig a hole and inflate neighbors until they pop.

Because it's not like we have enough REAL issues or anything.

Basically, I'm done with Hillary. Run or not, I'm not voting for her. And it's not because I'm a gamer, it's because I'm sick and tired of politicians pulling crap like this. Instead of pounding on the issues like the gawdawful Dubai Ports deal, the fact that we are throwing money into the black hole that is Iraq, or any of a billion other real issues that have immediate and credible impact, Hillary's going for the "hot button" votes. While it would be nice if one could simply say, "Violence in children comes from playing too much Tekken 5," and then ban all video games and have a fairy tale world where the sun shines every morning as blue birds fly in through your window and sing you awake from a beautiful dream into an even more beautiful day, WE ALL KNOW THIS IS NOT THE CASE.

Kids are violent and misbehaved because parents are absent and unconcerned. Then, when little Timmy does go on a murderous rampage, they blame the schools (who can't discipline him), the government (which is apparently supposed to raise him) and pretty much everyone other than their damn selves. Hillary's trying to ride on this wave of responsibility abdication and it sickens me. First the whole flag burning thing now this.

What's next, Hil? Gonna have the CDC investigate the effect of soulless, power-hunger, frigid bitches on husbands? Let me save the taxpayers some money and the CDC some time. IT RUINS BLUE DRESSES.

Can we have a war on Cronyism?

2006-02-28T14:17:00.000-08:00

A couple of months back when even Michelle Malkin (or possibly her husband, but that's a different story) was irked at BushCo's blatantly inappropriate cronyism, I thought the tide was turning. Now, with PortGate (I'm too lazy to think of something clever to call it), I'm thinking the tide is turning. I'm sure with the next scandal, I'll think the tide is turning.

I think someone broke the tide.

In any event, guess what? Turns out the recent port deal is just more Bush cronyism. Let's look at the roster of shame:

Just three weeks before the port deal was announced, Bush named Dubai Ports World senior executive David Sanborn, the U.S. Maritime Administrator. Convenient, to say the least.

John Snow, U.S. Treasury chief and head of the panel that cleared the Dubai Ports deal (and who now claims he wasn't involved in the process until after the deal was cleared), once headed a railroad company (CSX Corp) that sold its global port assets to Dubai Ports World. That $1.5 billion deal took place in 2004, only a year after Snow stepped down as chief executive to be appointed U.S. Treasury chief by Bush in 2003. Snow claims he knew nothing of the deal. One has to start wondering does Snow know anything?

In 2002, the Carlyle Group, a private equity firm that gave George Bush the Elder a senior advisor job, bought CSX Corp. Snow was still CEO at the time. Who's a major stockholder in the Carlyle Group? The United Arab Emirates.

So there it is. The president who claims that the safety of our country is his number one priority is once again simply in the back pocket of one of the most corrupt government in the middle east who's ties to terrorism have been established and ignored in favor of rich profits for Bush and friends.

Frankly, Bush's record approval rating low of 34% seems way too high to me. Mind you, that rating means absolutely nothing. Because if there's one thing this administration has shown, it's that American citizens can't be bothered to actually do something about a President of which they supposedly disapprove. It's that apathy that allows BushCo to pull this sort of shit and not worry for a second about who knows it. I've even heard a rumor that they're going to eliminate the White House Press Secretary and replace it with a tickertape machine that constantly spits out "Liberals are bad and anyone who disagrees with Bush must be a liberal." The money saved will then be given directly to a fund to pay for Jenna's inevitable trip to rehab.

Situation Critical

2006-02-13T12:25:00.000-08:00

Freelance writing is not paying the bills like I'd hoped. I need a job. Quickly, desperately and one that promises regular pay and such.

Anyone hiring?

United Church of Christ...or are they...

2006-02-13T10:46:00.000-08:00

Now, having spent a large portion of my youth in a U.C.C. congregation (when we got fed up with the Baptists, this is where we went), I must admit they are a faily innocuous sect of Christianity. As the St. James U.C.C. of Limerick, PA, points out, they're even a fairly progressive church.

However, their tag line, Luke 4:7, is a bit of an odd choice, even in terms of being progressive. The quote reads "If thou therefore wilt worship me, all shall be thine." (Luke 4:7, KJV). Sounds good, however, when you consider it in relation to the previous quotes:

And the devil, taking him up into an high mountain, shewed unto him all the kingdoms of the world in a moment of time. And the devil said unto him, All this power will I give thee, and the glory of them: for that is delivered unto me; and to whomsoever I will I give it. If thou therefore wilt worship me, all shall be thine. And Jesus answered and said unto him, Get thee behind me, Satan: for it is written, Thou shalt worship the Lord thy God, and him only shalt thou serve. - Luke 4:5-8, KJV.

That's right, those are actually the words of Satan or the devil. Now, as a member of the Religious Society of Friends, I'm all for progressive churches dealing with outmoded belief systems in new and vital ways. However, I think even I have to call shenanigans on this one.

Stumbled across this reading The Consumerist this morning. What this particular story has to do with consumer's rights I'll never know, but it did give me a chuckle.

Probably was aiming for the al Qaeda spy sneaking up behind him.

2006-02-12T15:26:00.000-08:00

Dick "sprays" innocent bystander with a facial.

Hey, at least it's something different from Brokeback Mountain puns.

Whatever happened to disagreement?

2006-02-11T16:28:00.000-08:00

I remember, back when I was younger, that one of the best points about this country, one of the key selling points, was that people could disagree yet still live side by side. How amazing to live in a nation that valued empathy.

Whatever happened to that?

Somewhere along the way, we've all become high school debaters, yelling at each other for fake gold plastic trophies. Instead of understanding that any situation comes with a myriad of viewpoints and interpretations, none inherantly "righter" than the other, all our discussions become personal. People who disagree are intrinsically evil or, at the very least, irretrievably stupid and must be simply parroting some party line or other.

Discussion and exchange of viewpoint are important in the basic workings of this country. Yet they are no longer protected or, indeed, even appreciated. People have forgotten how to have disagreements without rancor or common respect. This, more than anything, concerns me in relation to the future of this country. Without empathy, the idea of men being created equal is impossible to maintain.

They Hate Judy Miller too!

2006-02-10T15:48:00.000-08:00

The Missle Dick Chicks! Almost as creative as Landover Baptist!

Brokeback Torino

2006-02-10T14:57:00.000-08:00

The opening ceremonies were so good it takes three syllables to describe them: Fab-U-Lous! Flaming rollerbladers skated like refugees from a James Bond film while mighty Thor, God of Red Spandex, hammered out a giant fiery penis with his Oh-My-God-It's-So-Big mallet.

Yes, with a subtle salute to the gay in all of us and an opening ceremony that looks like it was choreographed by Bravo Channel, the 2006 Winter Olympic Games are off to a flamboyant start in Torino, Italy. Now, while I personally care very little about the games themselves, I have to admit this rotation has already given me quite a chuckle.

Aside from The Gay Blades, the opening ceremony was full of other questionable costuming choices, such as the people with the huge white bulbs on their heads.

Maybe I'm just naughty, but that certainly looks like a stylized sperm to me.

It even contained a salute to livestock. That's right, this year's winter games have finally given status and thanks to that most humble of farm animals, the unassuming yet always tasty, cow.

Indeed, to show cow-love, all spectators at the ceremony were issues cow bells. High above the arena, 20 ft wide display screens would frequently flash, "MORE COW BELL" in 80 different languages when things appeared to be moving slowly. This was not only the year of the cow, but with all that white stuff in the back ground, one can only assume it was the year of the gay cow. The completely gay homosexual, So-Flaming-It-Has-A-Dedicated-Fire-Team cow.

Will Bode Miller get so drunk while skiing that he has a brief encounter with a husky Italian barrista named Giovanni? Will people realize that figure skating isn't nearly as gay as the tobogan where up to four men dry hump each other in front of God and everybody? Will curling finally receive the attention, appreciation and up-marketing that it so desperately deserves? By the closing ceremonies, when the influx of nubile athetes and the portly photo-journalists who love them leave Torino as empty and desolate as a Fire Island T-Room in November, maybe these questions will be answered. Until then, though, it's going to be a gay old time.

Some of the programs cut in the Bush budget

2006-02-10T12:29:00.000-08:00

141 programs total will receive cuts, including 42 education programs.

Some program cut highlights include:

The Commodity Supplemental Food Program, which provides food for low-income elderly Americans.

The Preventive Care Block Grant, which maintains preventive health care services for underserved Americans.

The Community Serivces Block Grant, which gives states and federally-recognized Native American tribes funds to provide services for low-income families, the elderly and the disabled, including programs designed to help at risk marriages. On February 26th, 2002, Bush said, "My administration will give unprecedented support to strengthening marriages. Many good programs help couples who want to get married and stay married." There will now be less of those programs, which is ironic considering how supposedly important marriage (at least between a man and a woman) is to this administration.

A 26% cut in Section 202 housing for low-income families.

A 30% cut in the Community Development Block Grant.

A 79% cut in the Community Oriented Policing Services.

A $1.03 billion cut in the Child Care and Development Block Grant, resulting in some 400,000 fewer children receiving child care.

Medicaid cuts which would throw the funding burden back on individual states, forcing them to scale back eligibility or services for the elderly, low-income families and children. We already saw how well that went over here in Missouri with Boy Governor Matt Blunt learning that kicking children and grandmothers off the rolls is a quick way to piss people off.

According to the Center on Budget and Policy Priorities, the savings these cuts would acheive would be far outweighed by the 2001/2003 tax cuts which benefit primarily the wealthy. CBPP figures that making those cuts permanent would furish the top 1% of households in the country with over $900 billion over the next 10 years.

Where's the money going?

$79 billion increase in spending over the next five years. That's an increase, not a total amount. According to some budget analysts, the overall budget of the Pentagon would receive a 7% increase. As it stands, the Pentagon budget is 45% bigger now than when Bush took office.

Just something to think about.

Reading between the lines for Dummies

2006-02-07T21:53:00.000-08:00

State of the Union address remix.

It's funny because it's satire...mostly.

A Blunt Can't Stop A Boehner

2006-02-03T13:03:00.000-08:00

It's official, Republicans like Boehner.

Now, while I can't always say a Boehner is superior to a Blunt, in this particular case, knowing what I do about this Blunt, I'd have to say the Republicans made a wise choice.

And for my friend David, who has an inexplicible and nightmarishly disturbing crush on boy governor Baby Blunt (notice the absence of "wonder" after boy in that last phrase), all I can say is maybe this is your chance. Perhaps the raging Boehner's punishing pounding of Big Blunt will so depress Baby Blunt that he'll get drunk and do one of those "It doesn't make you gay if you don't kiss" things. It's a long shot, but in a world where a Boehner beats a Blunt, anything is possible.

He's gonna be HUGE after this.

2006-02-02T13:04:00.000-08:00

A friend recommended the move "The End of the Spear" to me the other day and while I generally tend to shy away from films with overly explicit religious messages (pro- or con-, doesn't matter, I go to movies for escapism), I may have to see this one because it is now steeped in controversy.

Newsflash: Chad Allen is gay, open about it and playing a missionary and this apparently pisses some people off although sun still managed to somehow rise this morning.

Frankly, I've never been all that impressed with Chad Allen's acting chops and time has not been kind to him as he's aged from the irrepressable child star to the gay rights activist and actor. However, I see absolutely no reason to get all pissy because he's an actor playing a role who might not actually be the person he's portraying in real life.

The Rev. Jason Janz needs to have the word "actor" defined for him. He also needs to stop creating problems where none exist. It sickens me that Janz would actually advocate a return to McCarthy-ism by suggesting only actors who's personal politics match the person they're playing should be eligible for the role. Although I guess it would get Jim Cavawhatever more work. Not impressed with him, though, either.

Furthermore, leave it to the idiot Baptists to suggest firebombing the filmmaker's houses, although they did tone that down by saying that would "probably" be too much. Or maybe they're wanting to firebomb Chad Allen's house? Or just the houses of gay people in general.

I guess we do have terrorists in this country. Apparently, their leader is Kevin T. Bauder, president of Central Baptist Seminary.

Hope you enjoy Gitmo, you insane fuck.

A million little bitch slaps

2006-01-26T12:02:00.000-08:00

Okay, I promise, that's the last "clever" play on the title of James Frey's work of speculative fiction.

Anyway, I guess Oprah has finally gotten over the "betrayal" and "hurt" portions of her break up with Frey and is ready to move on to the nationally televised evisceration of The Author Frey.

Who do you think you're messing with, bitch? Jenny Jones?

Mind you, I find it slightly disingenuous of Oprah to get all offended about this. My point being, if the only reason you enjoyed the book was because of it's supposed "truthfulness", then it really wasn't that great a book to begin with. I mean, get over it, Oprah. Or at least get honest and do it Jerry Springer style.

It's Cindy Adams, but...

2006-01-25T15:28:00.000-08:00

Okay, here's what she said: Jack Abramoff's partner Mike Scanlon admitted to digging up former Congressman Robert Livingston's private life. Set to become speaker, Livingston then got sidelined for Tom DeLay's man Denis Hastert. Prosecutors now checking if Abramoff and Scanlon took Livingston down at DeLay's behest.

I'm taking it with a grain of salt, but it certainly does make DeLay's resemblence to Tony Soprano more pronounced...

Hope for lawyers

2006-01-25T15:12:00.000-08:00

Wonder if this means he's going to cancel his Adult Swim guest spot as well?

I also liked Gonzo's quote from the CNN article: As far as I'm concerned, we have briefed the Congress.

Well, Gonzo, as far as I'm concerned your boss wiped his ass with the Consitution of the United States and got caught

Now he's gonna be naked for a reason!

2006-01-25T15:00:00.000-08:00

He won't be able to afford clothes.

And let's just not do the obligitory gay/prison jokes. They just demean us all.

Somehow, I don't think he's worried

2006-01-25T13:39:00.000-08:00

Bloggosphere falls on Chris Matthews...sun still expected to rise tomorrow.

Somehow, I don't think he's worried and it's amazing how this man has managed to piss off just about everyone at some point.

The New Political Weapon: Tears!

2006-01-24T11:57:00.000-08:00

That's right. Feeling put upon and maligned because you started an unwinnable war on false pretenses while pervily listening in on private conversations of Americans? Try crying like a little girl.

George Clooney made Abramoff's daughter cry...someone's gonna get sued.

Now, let's ignore for a moment the fact that what really made his daughter cry is the fact that her father is a crook and got caught. No, let's instead blame the actor and shift focus from the guilty party, making him more "human" and "family-loving". Indeed, let's get Daddy Abramoff to write a letter saying how inappropriate Clooney's remark was and how it reduced Princess Abramoff to "a fit of tears."

Gee, Princess, let me know if you're gonna tear up like that everytime your dad get's cornholed by a large black man named Spyke in the next twenty years. I want to buy stock in Kleenex.

Well, that probably won't happen, because rich, connected, white men never go to jail for their crimes. Still, Princess, your dad is indeed a jack-off who raided the political system and got his ass caught.

It disgusted me when Alito's wife teared up ON FREAKING CUE in his hearings. It disgusts me that it's now being used to try and soften Abramoff's image. The new weapon of political wingnuts everywhere is good old fashioned bitch-ass crying.

THERE IS NO CRYING IN POLITICS!

If you can't handle it, don't get involved. If you're really so upset about your granddaughter crying, don't make her a target by writing off a pointless and unsupported letter. If you don't want to hear your husband refuse to answer any sort of question, don't sit in the hearing and certainly don't sit in plain sight of the cameras...well, plain sight after an aide comes up and tells your husband to skootch his chair over a couple of inches 15 minutes before you mysteriously decide to let loose.

Christ on the Cross, what's next? Dick Cheney going racoon-eyed on a Barbara Walters special?

This isn't politics. It's manipulation. And it's disgusting.

Better late than never, I guess.

2006-01-24T11:44:00.000-08:00

Way to catch up, Missouri legislature.

Mind you, it only jumps into action now that servicemen are being killed.

I remember back in the 80s and 90s when Phelps and his merry band of inbred idiots were "protesting" the funerals of AIDS victims. However, I guess the pain of their families and friends just wasnt good enough for legislative action.

Phelps makes me seriously question my Quakerism.

Hillary Clinton is a prick (but I still may have to vote for her)

2006-01-24T10:58:00.000-08:00

Joshua Frank has an interesting tidbit of info.

In a recent memo to receptive ears, the American Israel Public Affiars Committee (AIPAC), the same people involved in the Israeli/Pentagon spying incident, stated it was "concerned that the decision not to go to the Security Council, combined with the U.S. decision to support the 'Russian proposal,' indicates a disturbing shift in the Administration's policy on Iran and poses a danger to the U.S. and our allies." The "Russian proposal" in question concerns an agreement between Russia and Iran that would let Iran continue to pursue and use nuclear power.

Apparently, Israel's some 200 nuclear warheads (that it won't admit to having) aren't enough to make it safe from Iran. The interesting thing of note here, though, is who the AIPAC is buying politically.

Hillary Clinton has now compounded her whole flag-burning nonesense by basically accusing Bush of not acting unilaterally enough on Iran. At her Princeton University speech (and interesting counterpoint to Gore's speech, he gave a good one, she seems to have been on powerful drugs), she accused BushCo of a whole laundry list of dropped balls regarding Iran and charged that he was willing to "outsource", aka hide behind various other nations, dealing with the Iran and North Korea questions. She supported throwing the whole thing to the UN Security Council for sanctions, which, frankly, seems like just more "outsourcing", but I wouldn't want logic to get in the way of a woman who rants like Kitty Dukakis on a drinking binge.

Interestingly enough, this is exactly what the AIPAC is calling for. And guess which Democratic darling, who appears to have undergone a recent values realignment of Kerry proportions, is the top Democratic receiver for AIPAC funds for 2006 or far?

Since October 31, 2005, Clinton has received $58,000 from the AIPAC.

Now, my grandmother was a wise woman and she always said, "The only two things you can't find in politics are coincidences and an honest man." Update "man" to "person" and the saying still seems to apply.

Oh, Hillary, someone needs to put you in a shopping bag because you've been bought and paid for. And, honestly, you were pretty cheap.

It is also interesting to point out, as a friend reminded me on his blog, that Bill Clinton is partially responsible for Iran's state of nuclear capability with the colossal intelligence blunder that was Operation Merlin. Of course, using this sort of logic, one could also damn Bush because Regan created both Osama bin Laden and Saddam Hussein back in the 80s, but this entry is about Hillary and that fact that while she's talking about how big a threat a nuclear Iran is, she completely fails to mention that she knows because she was there when Clinton helped create it.

However, with all this said, I would still vote for her over any likely Republican candidates. I'd do it resentfully and I wouldn't campaign for her, but I'd still do it.

Jesus meets Citizen Kane

2006-01-23T12:35:00.000-08:00

I guess that's sort of what he's going for. All the power, none of the moral issues.

The Definition of Irony

2006-01-20T12:30:00.000-08:00

Simon Cowell accusing ANYONE of acting "gay".

After Gay-kin, could you blame them for being homophobic?

I'm not fan of Gore...

2006-01-20T11:57:00.000-08:00

But he has managed to offer the best and simplest reframing of the whole terrorism/wiretapping thing yet. The speech that has liberals everywhere nearly pissing themselves with the possibility of another Gore run was probably one of the best addresses given in recent political history, other than, of course, Nagin's New Orleans Salute to Willy Wonka.

Finally, someone who understands and can correctly apply the words and ideas of the founding fathers of this country:

"As John Adams said, "The executive shall never exercise the legislative and judicial powers or either of them to the end that it may be a government of laws and not of men."

An executive who arrogates to himself the power to ignore the legitimate legislative directives of the Congress or to act free of the check of the judiciary becomes the central threat that the founders sought to nullify in the Constitution, an all-powerful executive; too reminiscent of the king from whom they had broken free.

In the words of James Madison, the accumulation of all powers, legislative, executive and judiciary in the same hands, whether of one, a few or many, and whether hereditary, self-appointed or elected, may justly be pronounced the very definition of tyranny."

Exactly. While it vaugely disturbs me when I agree with someone who's character I fundamentally question, this passage strikes at the very heart of BushCo and uses the framers of our Constitution to do so.

I also appreciate the swipe at Cheney:

"Last week, for example, Vice President Cheney attempted to defend the administration's eavesdropping on American citizens by saying that, if it had conducted this program prior to 9/11, they would have found out the names of some of the hijackers.

Tragically, he apparently still does not know that the administration did, in fact, have the names of at least two of the hijackers well before 9/11 and had available to them information that could have led to the identification of most of the others."

Heh, fuck you, Dick. Fuck you until you bleed Halliburton blood money out of every swollen orifice on your body.

Then, of course, there's the perfect passage:

"Is America really in more danger now than when we faced worldwide fascism on the march, when the last generation had to fight and win two world wars simultaneously?

It is simply an insult to those who came before us and sacrificed so much on our behalf to imply that we have more to be fearful of than they did."

And that, my friends, is the whole emotional enchilada in a nutshell.

The speech is an amazing political soap bubble. It works because it's given by someone who has supposedly relinquished interest in a Presidential career for himself. Should he re-enter the political field, he will have to answer the same questions he poses for BushCo because, at one point in time, he was part of the same corrupt Presidential system.

Hilary may have gained some traction back by her recent suggestion that the House of Representatives should be renamed "Tara". Still, she has a long way to go for the whole Flag Burning nonesense.

And Gore himself, if this indeed is a pseudo-launch to a 2008 run, has a lot of 'splainin to do as well. There seems to me to be something fundamentally shifty and commerial about someone who will breezily abandon his partner of nearly eight years, when they are being tarred and feathered, in the hopes that his upcoming campaign will remain clean. Furthermore, it seems there is something fundamentally stupid about someone who will do this when, despite the tarring and feathering, the people are still in love with the man.

But the man can generate buzz, be he inventing the Interwebs or doing guest shots on my beloved Futurama. And the speech is a gem of sparkling brilliance in what was seemingly a dark and empty mine of political rhetoric.

I am almost forced to admit that, in a field that desperately needs some balance, he may be Gore-bi Wan Kinobe.

He just

Ooo, looks like this time it's gonna be a cold and bitchy war.

2006-01-12T14:43:00.000-08:00

Oh no he didn't!

I've considered many reasons why Condi is like Condi is. Too much hair product. Simple misunderstanding of the issues. A heart filled with equal parts hate and stupidity. It took a pinko red commie bastard...or whatever we're calling them nowadays, to remind me of the simplest reason for Condi:

She's a career gal.

In a salvo guaranteed to align Camile Paglia and the Republican party, Vladimir Zhirinovsky, the leader of the Liberal and Democratic Party of Russia, said in response to Condi's attack on Russia's recent "We're taking our gas and going home" ploy with the Ukraine, "Condoleezza Rice released a coarse anti-Russian statement. This is because she is a single woman who has no children. She loses her reason because of her late single status. Nature takes it all."

Oo, snap! Zhirinovsky done called Condi an old maid! It's on now, bitch!

He went on to say, "If she has no man by her side at her age, he will never appear. Even if she had a whole selection of men to choose from she would stay single because her soul and heart have hardened. Like Napoleon, Genghis Khan, Tamerlane, or Alexander the Great of Macedon Ms. Rice needs to fight and release tough public statements in global scale."

Well, while I'm not sure that the desire for global conquest exhibited by Napoleon, Genghis Khan, Tamerlane or Alexander the Great can be attributed to just not finding the right guy to settle down with...well, maybe it can in Alexander's case...it does make for a fun little political bitch-slap.

Then he delves deep into Russian history and says what was good for Catherine the Great might just be good enough for Condi, "Condoleezza Rice needs a company of soldiers. She needs to be taken to barracks where she would be satisfied. On the other hand, she can hardly be satisfied because of her age."

Now, I may be wrong here, but did he suggest that what our Secretary of State really needs is a good, honest, deep-dicking gang-bang by a bunch of soldiers?

Well, it's probably true...

2006-01-12T13:03:00.000-08:00

Okay, this confuses me.

Athlete apologizes for drinking.

Apparently in a "60 minutes" interview, Olympic skier Bode Miller said something about how it's not easy to ski wasted.

Now, this strikes me as undoubtedly true. While I've never been skiing myself, it looks hard. Things happen fast. Trees tend to kill Republican politicians. There seem to be numerous challenges, the threat of which would increase exponentially if you're toasted.

Yet, apparently, this remark from someone who's nearly 30 and therefore capable of not only drinking legally, but choosing to then ski, has greatly offended all sorts of people. I don't get it? Would they have been happier if he had said, "Skiing is really hard, except when you're hammered. Then it's a breeze. Heh, I made a joke. "

So now he's apologizing all over the place like he said, "Skiing on puppies and orphans is hard, but I do it gleefully while I spout liberal rhetoric and fingerbang Cindy Sheehan." He's an adult. He enjoys a beverage. He made a silly comment about how it's hard to ski while drunk. This is now national news?

I think perhaps I should just chalk it up to yet another example of the general weirdness of this country. People drink. People then make stupid choices, like skiing. We all know this. Yet, so long as they aren't honest about it and don't actually admit that they're doing it, we're fine. The second they do, we act all surprised like this is news to us and get offended. Then the person comes out and apologizes, not really for the action, but for talking about it.

I don't get it.

That's probably why I don't ski.

It's gonna hurt worse than the root canal.

2006-01-11T13:07:00.000-08:00

Yowza!

A Million Little Refunds

However, on the up note, once Random House gets done giving out refunds, they will sue James Frey to get their money back. The crushing bankruptcy will send him straight back to drugs and drink and then, a couple of years from now, after he's had time to really have some rock bottom experiences, he can write another book and join Judy Miller on a speaking tour entitled "What Price Is The Human Soul?

Michelle Malkin makes a run from the border

2006-01-10T11:12:00.000-08:00

Okay, I admit it. I have a bit of a crush on Michelle Malkin (as previous posts graphically illustrate). There's just something about a dismissive, hate-spewing, wildly-apologetic Filipina that excites my loins into a furious uproar of tingles. But more than her vaugely anime looks, it's her blatant fence-hopping and utter willingness to hyperventilate about any issue at any time that makes me wanna spelunk in her dank caves.

For instance, today on her blog, she's going on about MS-13, the Mara Salvatrucha street gang, and how this "illegal alien gang" (although, technically, they're not illegal aliens unless they're actually outside of their country, Michelle, but we'll let that pass because yer just soooooo cute) is going to start smuggling thugs across the Mexican border to assassinate border patrol guards. Apparently, they are upset by the increased security along the U.S./Mexico border and this is how they're going to retaliate.

Michelle Malkin freaks out

A number of problems present themselves.

One, finding the actual border patrol guards. While security has supposedly be increased along our country's borders, let us remember that these are the same people who allowed Sean Hannity to break federal law by leaving the U.S. and then returning to the U.S., but not through an official point of entry. It's the law, Sean, and you broke it on national television...or whatever the hell FOX news is. Yet you still waddle around, a free man. So there seems to be a lack of border guards for MS-13 to give El Salvadorian Neckties to in the first place. Now, if they said they wanted to slap the hell out of the Minutemen...well, that's a different story completely.

Two, which is it, Michelle? Your book, Invasion, was 256 pages of yammering about how, despite BushCo's programs after 9/11, our nation's borders still bear a closer resemblence to Swiss cheese than the Great Wall of China. So are the "illegal alien gangs" wrong about the increase in border security or were you wrong about the lack of it? Now, Michelle, I know you like to play both sides of the field, but I was hoping that just meant I could get a three way with you and Ann Coulter while Arianna Huffington looks on and sings Anita Bryant songs at gunpoint.

Three, in your book In Defence of Internment (Great read, by the way, right up there with Mein Kampf), you babble on about how the WWII internment camps were really just happy, sunshiney places, sort of like spas, and how racial profiling is a good thing. Well, Michelle, because of racial profiling everyone knows that pretty much everyone from Central and South America are dirty, lazy and stupid, so they couldn't possibly be smart enough to smuggle thugs across the U.S. borders, could they? I also hear, again from racial profiling, that first-generation Filipinas are hellcats between the sheets. Is it true?!?

Get her what she really wants for Valentine's

2006-01-09T15:39:00.000-08:00

Nuff said

At least he doesn't have to worry about gun-crazy Air Marshals...

2006-01-09T15:15:00.000-08:00

James Moore. Emmy-winning news correspondent, co-author of Bush's Brain: How Karl Rove Made George W. Bush President, Texas resident.

Threat to our skies.

Apparently, for the past year, Mr. Moore, who has been chronicling the rise of Rove and Bush for over 20 years, has been deemed dangerous enough to land on the "no-fly watch" list. He doesn't know why. He can't find out why. There's no legal recourse to tell him why or to even challenge his name being on the list. But there he is.

Now, for me, someone who hates flying, this would be a big nothing. I can't fly? Bah, real Americans drive, anyway. Flying is for terrorists, communists and Democrats.

However, for Mr. Moore, who's job as a political correspondent requires extensive travel, this is basically a great big "Screw you" from an administration that isn't above using the laws that are supposed to be increasing our safety as petty weapons in a juvenile war on anyone who disagrees with them.

So now we know. Write a book critical about BushCo and they'll fuck you any way they can.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jim-moore/branded_b_13272.html

Cyber nice...OR ROT IN JAIL!

2006-01-09T14:57:00.000-08:00

A big thank you to everyone's favorite Undead Zombie Policitican, Arlen Spector, for slipping in a nifty little rider to a must-pass piece of legislation to fund the Department of Justice. H.R. 3402 guises itself as a measure to combat "Violence against Women" and does so by bitch-slapping the Constitution.

Signed into Law by G-Dub last Thursday, a little rider in this bill modifies existant telephone harrasement laws to include the Internet. Now, these codes read:

"Whoever...utilizes any device or software that can be used to originate telecommunications or other types of communications that are transmitted, in whole or in part, by the Internet... without disclosing his identity and with intent to annoy, abuse, threaten, or harass any person...who receives the communications...shall be fined under title 18 or imprisoned not more than two years, or both."

Here's the relevant language on "Cyberstalking".

Well, gee, thanks for the specific language, guys! I mean, we all know what annoying is, right? It's as easy to identify as pornography. Everybody has the same definition of annoying, so this bill will never, ever cause any problems.

Mind you, you can still be "annoying", you just can't do it annonymously.

God forbid you actually had a need to say anything on the web without giving your real identity, such as disclosing how upset you are with the incredibly shitty way your government is ruining your country without fear of reprisals. Or you wanted to avoid possible identity theft issues.

Indeed, I find this law to be "annoying" in the extreme and feel we should prosecute G-Dub under it because he's not using his real name: Satan.

Remember, Kansas isn't the only whacko state out there.

2006-01-09T09:34:00.000-08:00

Maybe this will shift the country's focus from the evolution antics of my neighboring Kansas to rabidly homophobic Utah.

You know, I hear they're also attacking the sanctity of the institution of marriage by indulging in wanton poligamy...

http://kutv.com/topstories/local_story_007175321.html

Addendum: The theater chain, however, is still showing teen-torture fest Hostel. So, in recap:

Gay Cowboys = anti-family
Teens bound to a chair, gagged, tortured to death = pro-family

Looking back at the idiocy: Part I

2005-12-29T12:43:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure how they managed to just limit it to 25:

25 Mind-Numbingly Stupid Quotes of 2005

I can't choose just one, so my favorites are:

"I do know that it's true that if you wanted to reduce crime, you could, if that were your sole purpose, you could abort every black baby in this country, and your crime rate would go down." --Bill Bennett, former Education Secretary and author of "The Book of Virtues," Sept. 28, 2005.
Yes, we all know this was quoted out of context. Yes, we all know that on some rarified level that concerns itself with only numbers and not environmental or human concerns, he may have a point. Yes, we all know he kinda-sorta apologized for saying it, even seconds after he let fly with this truly classic example of idiocy. We know all this. Yet, I contend that, living in the age of spin-sterbation, saying something like this on a national radio show and thinking you're going to get away with it compounds the stupidity rather than minimizes it.

"You know, I don't know about this doctrine of assassination, but if he thinks we're trying to assassinate him, I think that we really ought to go ahead and do it. It's a whole lot cheaper than starting a war." --Pat Robertson, calling for the assassination of Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez, Aug. 22, 2005.
While pragmatic as hell, it is concerning when any religious figure, regardless of how bogus their own spiritual development is or how closely they resemble a demented leprauchaun, starts advocating assassination. Even after reading the Bible and the DaVinci Code, I seem to have missed the part where Jesus gives the thumbs-up to black ops.

"What I'm hearing which is sort of scary is that they all want to stay in Texas. Everybody is so overwhelmed by the hospitality. And so many of the people in the arena here, you know, were underprivileged anyway so this (chuckle) – this is working very well for them." --Former First Lady Barbara Bush, on the hurricane evacuees at the Astrodome in Houston, Sept. 5, 2005.
And this is exactly why the native peoples of Alaska put their old, crazy people on ice chunks and let nature run it's course.

"I think with a lifetime appointment to the Supreme Court, you can't play, you know, hide the salami, or whatever it's called." --Democratic Party Chairman Howard Dean, urging President Bush to make public Supreme Court nominee Harriet Miers's White House records, Oct. 5, 2005.
While not as flashy as the Yeehaw Heard Round The World, this once again shows that Dean, while having the best of intensions, should probably have "Black and Decker" tattoed on his forehead so everyone will remember that, at heart, he's a tool.

Drugs to make you cooler

2005-12-29T12:33:00.000-08:00

Coming down with a case of 24-hour swish? Try Hetracil.

Is life in general making you sick? Bug your doctor until they prescribe Panexa.

Sadly, it occurs to me, there are people out there that might not get the joke.

Brits hate Barbie

2005-12-20T13:28:00.000-08:00

http://www.denverpost.com/nationworld/ci_3324962

Wow...just, wow. In a way, it's satisfying because it seems like British girls view a rejection of Barbie as a rite of passage; an understanding that Barbie is an idealized childhood dream and impossible to achieve in an adult reality. This acceptance of the Myth of Barbie can only be a good thing, preparing little Susan for a long life of never being quite as sexy as her friend Ginger, but also not being anywhere near as vapid or slutty.

However, there is something decidedly disturbing about Brit Tweens playing Snuff Film Barbie and with apparent relish.

It's one thing to accept that Barbie is unrealistic, it's something else to want to punish her for it. One is maturity, the other is psychosis.

I guess the bright side here is that this can only help the new off-Broadway production of "Extremities" starring Barbie and G.I. Joe.

The Death of an American Hero

2005-10-25T09:17:00.000-07:00

Rest in peace, Rosa Parks.

October 24th, 2005

It's not a lie when WE say it...

2005-10-25T08:42:00.000-07:00

Now, usually Sunday morning is just spent digesting the events of the week past and gearing up for the week ahead. I enjoy doing this by watching the talking head shows, drinking like 20 cups of coffee and enjoying a nice big bowl of corn flakes. I used to include smoking about 10 cigarettes in there, but I quit, so I can't do that anymore. I'm just thrilled about that.

So of course on the morning when I'm cigarette-less and have run out of coffee and my milk went sour that Texas Senator Kay Bailey Hutchinson decided to lose her shit on national T.V. and make me wonder what sort of bizzaro reality world we've slipped into.

It all went down on Meet the Press and, let me say, Sen. Hutchinson did Texas proud. Russert made the mistake of actually asking her a question and she responded...well, just read it:

"I certainly hope that if there is going to be an indictment that says something happened, that it is an indictment on a crime and not some perjury technicality where they couldnÂt indict on the crime so they go to something just to show that their two years of investigation were not a waste of time and dollars."

What. The. Fuck?

Since when was perjury a technicality?

Now, while Sen. Hutchinson certainly is a handsome woman for her age, she's not less than five years old, therefore one can only assume that she lived through BlueDressGate like the rest of us. Was she crying technicality then, since perjury was what they were supposedly trying to impeach him on?

Hypocracy, thy name is Kay.

Indeed, Hutchinson spouted off about Clinton and his "technicality" after voting to impeach him on charges of perjury. From the Congressional Record, February 12th, 1999:

"If only the President had followed the simple, high moral principle handed to us by our Nation's first leader as a child and had said early in this episode `I cannot tell a lie,' we would not be here today. We would not be sitting in judgment of a President. We would not be invoking those provisions of the Constitution that have only been applied once before in our Nation's history."

So, if a Democrat lies, it's a crime, but if a Republican does, it's a "technicality"?

Dumb, Kay, real dumb.

I'm sure Jack Chick will have a tract about this shortly.

2005-10-24T20:28:00.000-07:00

Just so you know, gaming geeks can have a socio-political side as well:

Katrina: The Gathering

I think my favorite card is:

They Got Lost In The Game

2005-10-13T15:26:00.000-07:00

Finally, some hard facts on Miers! Obviously Hallmark does indeed have a card line for insanely sycophantic evangelicals wanting to wish the object of their adulation a belated happy birthday. The Smoking Gun brings us:

The Harriet and George Letters

It's like that play Love Letters by A.R. Gurney, but without the normal human emotion. Still, we now know that Miers is obsessive about pseudo-gushing thank you letters and therefore probably likely to possibly overturn Roe v. Wade...perhaps.

Aside from conjuring disturbing images of Miers doodling "Mrs. Harriet Miers" in giant hearts all over the notebook that comes with her Trapper Keeper, the other thing I notice is that our Leader In Chief has the penmanship of a seven year old. Seriously, look at this chicken scratch:

W...T...F?

I mean, come on. Usually you have to be a doctor to have hand writing that bad. He's either thanking her for the birthday card or giving her terrorist instructions in Arabic.

All things considered, Miers' nomination is not the worst (nor the best) that G-Dub could have floated. At least she is a lawyer and thus has some relation to the Position That Cronyism Gave Her. Plus, she has the bonus of proving to the far-right once and for all that Bush doesn't give two shits about them or their agenda and hasn't since he first got into office. It was fun, in a way, to watch the Dems self-destruct in their desperate flight to the middle ground after BlowJobGate. I am now thoroughly enjoying watching the masters of dirty politics turn their mud guns on one another. Really, this is going to be better than a Crystal/Alexis heavy episode of Dynasty.

Still, as I'm popping my popcorn and watching the fun, it occurs to me that this is silly. Well, sillier than usual. Miers is an admittedly unknown quality. Qualified? Perhaps, but there are certainly people who are more qualified. Conservative? Probably, but there are people who are more qualified AND more outspoken about their conservativism. So why the game of Find The Queen?

The entire white house is going into crisis mode to reassure their conservative supporters that Miers is just the hate filled prick they've been clamoring for. But why? I mean, the Bush Faithful have been...well, faithfully, waiting for a message from the White House. They've worked their asses off to get him in that office for two terms now and, rightly so in this era of Governmental Looting, are expecting to get their backs scratched a little. Then he drops this chick with elbow length gloves on them and, understandably, they're pissed. Now Rove and Cheney and everyone is saying, "Trust us," while the conservative base is saying, "You know, we've gotten sort of screwed over the past 5 years, why should we trust you now?"

Maybe this is just more of the magic trick that is the Bush Administration. His whole run as left me with the feeling that G-Dub is just the distraction, the flashy handwork that demands attention, while the real trick is going on somewhere underneath the table. Perhaps there's a big reveal coming up soon and either Miers will be dumped in favor of a more outspoken hard-line conservative (an astute political maneuver which I doubt will happen as it would require G-Dub to admit to a mistake and we all know that isn't going to happen) or a video will be released of Miers leading the charge at the local Planned Parenthood clinic, bashing in the head of an abortion provider with a sign reading, "Jesus Loves The Little Children...Born and Unborn!"

Another possibility, though, is more interesting. Simply, that the political legerdemain has finally gotten to BushCo and now they're creating plots where there don't need to be any. Going around and saying, off the record, that Miers is a good little puppet that will rule exactly as instructed guarantees a fight in the nomination process, even if little is known about her. The fight is going to be as big as if a more prominent hard-right nominee were in her place. However, instead of having the whole of his base supporting him, Bush now has to contend with a miffed support base that's looking around and really not seeing the advances for conservative issues that they were promised and are being asked to "trust him" once again. Why make it this hard?

I've become a skeptic over the past five years and perhaps I'm just one conspiracy theory away from earning my membership in the Tin-Foil Hat Club, but this just weirds me out. Not only is there an ethical question about putting forth a candidate that will most likely refuse to answer hot-button issue questions in order to appear moderate while at the same time going around behind the scenes and saying that she's really a hard-line wolf in sheep's clothing. Not only is there ANOTHER ethics question regarding the fact that such a hue and cry was made regarding questions about the religious affiliation of Roberts while the same huers and criers are now whoring out Miers evangelical Christian belief. There's just a question of honesty. Why set yourself up to be deceitful if you don't have to be?

I guess, though, that's pretty much the theme of the past five years.

Can't recommend it enough.

2005-10-12T11:41:00.000-07:00

I laughed until I realized it was true. Then I cried. Then I laughed some more. I have a psychiatric appointment tomorrow to help me even out these mood swings.

Harry Miers and the Half-Brain Prince

You're so pretty when you cry.

2005-10-03T13:08:00.000-07:00

There is something wholly satisfying in watching the Republican Neo-Con Bush Empire crumble out of sheer hubris. Perhaps it's only akin to watching a much-hated rival slowly succumb to flesh eating bacteria when you know that you've got the little beasties crawling all over you as well, but it still carries the same sort of satisfaction you can only find in an end-of-the-evening hurl after a night of binge drinking or scratching a horrible case of athlete's foot.

People are calling into the Rush Limbaugh show to say things like, "(Bush and the GOP)...they don't seem to care about their base...we fought hard to get a Republican majority...I am so dismayed." These aren't liberal whackos, but conservative Republicans who are finally figuring out that Bush doesn't give a damn about them and hasn't since he steamrolled his way to power in 2000.

Furthermore, I can now indulge my Totally-Crushed-Out statuse with Michelle Malkin a bit longer as she runs down the blogosphere's disappointment about the blatant D0rm-Room cronyism going down in the White House. "If this is President Bush's bright idea to buck up his sagging popularity--among conservatives as well as the nation at large--one wonders whom he would have picked in rosier times." Jesus, her saying that makes me HOT!

Let me dry your tears, Michelle. Just lay back, close your eyes, open your mouth and it'll all be over soon.

It's like they're not even trying to hide it anymore.

2005-10-01T08:25:00.000-07:00

So, just in case you haven't heard, Bill Bennett, host of Bill Bennett's Morning in America and former Secretary of Education under Reagan, managed to pull a Barbara Bush. In response to a caller stating that the lost revenue from people who have been aborted over the past thirty years (and what a grammatical knotwork that was) would be enough to save Social Security, Bennett said such "far-reaching, extensive extrapolations" were not needed. However, getting into the spirit of the thing, he went on to say that, "I do know that it's true that if you wanted to reduce crime, you could -- if that were your sole purpose, you could abort every black baby in this country, and your crime rate would go down. That would be an impossible, ridiculous, and morally reprehensible thing to do, but your crime rate would go down. So these far-out, these far-reaching, extensive extrapolations are, I think, tricky."

Yah, mass murder sure is "tricky." At least he's thinking outside the box, I guess.

Saudis want our livers! And they're paying top dollar!

2005-09-30T09:47:00.000-07:00

What do you get for the Saudi who has everything, except a working liver?

While there seems to be some wrong doing here, I'm uncertain that suspending the liver transplant program is the best answer.

To the WOLVES with you!

2005-09-28T12:21:00.000-07:00

For one brief moment of pure bliss, the world was right and I once again had faith in our judicial system after reading this:

Welcome to Oz, Bitch

Mind you, this is just one of the massive number of scandals DeLay is involved in, so hopefully this will just be the first of many charges slapped on him.

Still, it didn't take long for DeLay to cry "rogue district attorney" and claim he was just a poor nun working with a leper colony in South Fort Worth.

Mind you, looking at Earle's history:

http://www.dailykos.com/storyonly/2005/9/28/135713/851

Gee, exactly who's that rogue working for, Tommy?

What do Flipper and G. Gordon Liddy have in common (other than being bald)?

2005-09-26T15:29:00.000-07:00

Sorry, Charlie

I'm sure the tuna fishing industry is quaking in its boots.

Proudly embracing my geekdom

2005-09-23T19:39:00.000-07:00

Wheeee! A week from today, I can indulge in total geekness when these two movies open:

Cancelled Too Soon

Muppets and Gaiman, how can this not be good?

I wasn't even this excited about Star Wars 3: Darth Lucas.

Shiny!

Republicans. State's Rights. My Ass.

2005-09-23T13:21:00.000-07:00

Right, check this hideous little thing out:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20050923/ap_on_go_co/head_start

Actually, it's a good thing we're totally gutting the Constitution. I mean, toilet paper is so expensive right now, it's nice to have a cheap alternative.

When even FOX knows it's bullshit...

2005-09-22T09:57:00.000-07:00

This morning, as I planned my day and drank my coffee and lamented the fact that, just a few scant months ago, I would be enjoying my third or fourth cigarette of the day (damn you, allergies!), I decided I hated myself enough to watch FOX news. Every other news network was torn between coverage of the impending Rita or the Jet Blue "Gosh, We're Happy This Wasn't An Accident, But If It Had Been An Accident Or The Pilot Hadn't Been So Darn Competent, Then Our Incessant Coverage Of It Would Make More Sense" thing. FOX was carrying Bush's comments on...well, on whatever the hell it is he feels the need to comment on currently. Basically, how "good" we're doing in Iraq.

Again, I no longer smoke and this has created such a depressing void in my life that I'm even willing to fill it with Bush's speechmaking. I should just go back to smoking. I mean, lung cancer can't be that bad in comparison.

Anyway, I was struck that, as G-Dub rambled through how the capture of some terrorists in Iraq by his "coalition," a word I'm sure Webster's is redefining to include voices in one's head, FOX chose to display a huge graphic of Hurricane Rita on screen. Indeed, the graphic made Rita almost as big as G-Dub, giving the impression that he was being stalked by a giant, red gin blossom from his past.

Now, ostensibly, this is meaningless. On any other network I would tend to ignore it. However, when the staunch bastion of Fair and Balanced right-wing reporting gives Mother Nature and G-Dub equal billing, well, I am forced to take notice. This almost qualifies as criticism. To add insult to injury, as soon as G-Dub finished his prepared comments, the reporters peppered him with questions about Rita instead of about Iraq. The first question I caught concerned how Rita's affect on coastal areas would be different from Katrina's. After a moment of puzzlement, which on anyone else would imply they were actually considering the next thing they would say, but on him just means he's trying to remember if Rita is a hurricane or yet another one of Jenna's drinking buddies, he blurted out something to the effect of, "Well, I think people understand better the need to evacuate those areas."

It's not that he said that. It's true, in essence, and substantially better than the foot-in-mouth disease his mammy seems to have developed in her withering years. It's the way he said it. He made it a joke. Given, he always has that supercilious smirk when he talks, like he's trying to talk down to the world. Usually, it's either laughable or confusing, because an idiot trying to talk down to someone is, by turns, funny and incomprehensible. The smirk, however, coupled with his obvious lack of preparation regarding the topic and the hideous little chuckle-like noise he made as if to say, "What me worry, they're only poor niggers," made me throw my coffee at the television set. I was in a hotel room at the time, so that may appear on my credit card later, but I did honestly try to clean up.

As I sat there shaking with barely concealed rage and less caffeine than I'm used to, a reporter asked a question about Iraq. FOX surprised me yet again, although this time it was even more subtle. As G-Dumb prattled on about how well we were cutting into the terrorist network in Iraq and worldwide and how we were preserving freedom and safety for America and the rest of the world, their bottom scroll was running a blurb about a roadside bomb killing yet another American soldier. While I'm uncertain how hard it is to synch up those bottom tickers with stuff happening in the main window, even if it was completely unintentional, it was an excellent offset.

Of course, this is all just implied and completely subjective. Still, it's interesting to think that maybe even FOX knows you should cancel a show that's in bad taste.

Beer Goggles and Michelle Malkin

2005-09-21T11:33:00.000-07:00

Holy God, I agree with Michelle Malkin about somthing:

http://michellemalkin.com/archives/003576.htm

I don't know what to think about this. I'd always sort of considered her a Rush Limbaugh type. Well, maybe about 1/8th a Rush Limbaugh. And with sexier eyes. Still, she would say something and I would find myself agreeing with her and she'd say something else and I'd agree and get all excited and then she'd say something else and I'd agree and I'd get wood. Then she'd say the most gawdawful jingoistic bullshit and it was like I ran into a wall, stiffie first. Okay, I guess the whole Rush comparison isn't all that great. I am proud to say that he's never inspired me to an erection, even when I was a card-carrying Republican. Still, it's such a disappointment to go to bed with Michelle Malkin and wake up with Ann Coulter.

Please don't let the intelligence train derail this time, Michelle. I know you can do it! I have faith in you. And I still have your panties. Call me, m'kay? Next time, I'll let you use my whip!

The Roberts Hearing Drinking Game

2005-09-14T13:02:00.000-07:00

I'm trying to get excited about the Roberts confirmation hearing. The Chief Justice of SCOTUS is an important position and at least deserves a certain amount of lipservice oogling. I'm finding it hard, though, with the level of questions being asked. For instance, here's a gem I found on Wonkette:

COBURN: Right. I'm not asking you about legal significance. Would you agree that the opposite of being dead is being alive?

ROBERTS: Yes.

While I prefer to leave such metaphysical debate to philosophers or at least post-midnight televangelists, I must admit it is comforting to know that, should he be forced, Roberts could probably do very well on the verbal portion of the SATs. Still, I can't help but wonder when the most exciting question concerning the potential appointment of a CJ of SCOTUS is who's the bitch and who's the butch in his secret Gay Homosexual affair with David Souter. I mean, having Roberts' evasive willy bobbing and weaving through his colon is really the only excuse Souter could possibly have for not saying something about Rehnquist's passing.

And even then, he would still have his hands free.

Anyway, to combat the mind-numbing ass-kissery that is the whole of this process, I've decided to turn it into a drinking game. The rules are simple:

1. Drink whenever the soft ball lobbed at Roberts' eerily expressionless head is on par with a question shot at Brad Pitt by Tigerbeat.

2. Drink whenever Roberts tapdances around a potentially hard question with a rhetoric routine that would make Tommy Tune stand up and prance.

3. Drink whenever Laura Bush calls Hurricane KATRINA something other than KATRINA (although this could pretty much be its own drinking game at this point). It's Hurricane KATRINA, you dumb, vaccuous, murdering, bitch of a terrible mother. I know you're not good with names, but make a damn effort.

Just three rules and you can leave the last one out if you like having a functional liver. Play this game and see the hearing Ted Kennedy sees.

Mind you, there are no winners in this game. Everybody loses.

Late to the party

2005-09-13T12:35:00.000-07:00

Okay, it's been awhile since I updated my blog. I admit it. Let's chalk it up to a horrific attack of allergies which has basically had me completely off the radar all summer.

The question is where to begin. When you don't update your blog in a timely manner, it seems you run the risk of being perceived as a copy cat. All the hot issues are only tepid and all the opinions have been expressed by the pundits. Anything you say was probably said last week on FOX by someone wearing a more expensive suit than you. It's hard to make people believe, "I thought the exact same thing as Molly Ivans, but her computer boots up faster."

Karl Rove is still wandering around Washington, D.C., a free...well, I hesitate to use the word man, but amorphous blob of greasy evil takes too long to type. Anyway, he's free and this just goes to show that not only is Satan real, his area code is 202.

Katrina has reminded us all that Mother Nature doesn't particularly care about us, one way or the other. Of course, as Bush has shown us it's okay to completely ignore thousands of American citizens trapped without food, water or shelter so long as their either black, poor or both, the real hurricane is the political fallout. Laura doesn't know it's name, G-Dub has gone from telling his buddy he's doing a really good job to trying to distance himself from said buddy faster than a rich fat man fled The Big Easy, and Barbara...oh Barbara. How could you? You were the one saving grace. You were the grandmother, the rock, the comfort, the one redeeming point in a family that's been shown way too many times lying in the gutter, making out with its sister, with its skirt around it's ears and a cigarette dangling from its lips.

I'm crushed, Barbara. Crushed.

Still, you'll be dead soon, so I guess there's no point in obsessing over it.

War on Terror/Iraq. Meh, what's left to say?

So hopefully there will soon be a new scandal. Eagerly I read Wonkette and hope for the best...er, the worst...er, business as usual. Until then, I'll just try to get my allergies under control and pray for a dirtier tomorrow.

You can love your pets...

2005-05-08T13:34:00.000-07:00

I grew up on a farm. I'm talking a real farm, here, with chickens and cows and water you have to pump and an outhouse. A farm.

While growing up on said farm, I managed to go a good number of years without inserting my penis into any livestock.

Now, while many of you may say, "Er, yah, good for you," this is apparently not as easy an accomplishment as it sounds.

Just the other day, The Alan Colmes Show on FOX radio had anti-abortion extremist Neal Horsley on tap. The topic was "Should Horsley's ISP allow him to post names of abortion providers on his website?" Currently he does and one of the providers posted has been killed.

One might think that this topic would give enough fire to satisfy the show's running time. Colmes, however, decided to get all investigative-journalisty and question Horsley about his background, specifically about a statement Horsley made admitting he had engaged in homosexual behavior and...wait for it...beastiality.

Here's a transcript:

Get Yer Farm Freak On

AC: "Is it true?"

NH: "Hey, Alan, if you want to accuse me of having sex when I was a fool, I did everything that crossed my mind that looked like I..."

AC: "You had sex with animals?"

NH: "Absolutely. I was a fool. When you grow up on a farm in Georgia, your first girlfriend is a mule."

AC: "I'm not so sure that that is so."

NH: "You didn't grow up on a farm in Georgia, did you?"

AC: "Are you suggesting that everybody who grows up on a farm in Georgia has a mule as a girlfriend?"

NH: It has historically been the case. You people are so far removed from the reality... Welcome to domestic life on the farm..."

Now, leaving aside the whole issue of tense in Horsley's first statement concerning being a fool and exactly when he stopped, I have to say this is disturbing. Apparently there was a whole realm of sexual gratification just waiting for me to come knock, knock, knocking on it's door. Yet, I missed it because...well, because I really didn't see an advantage to being a chickenfucker. Of course I may have just stopped "being a fool" sooner than Horsley because I feel certain that I knew from the get go that fucking outside one's species is, at best, wrong and, at worst, potentially ickifying to the food supply. To consider that I may have at some point in my life eaten a steak from a cow who's insides had been coated with Horsley's pre-fool-pendextomy spunk...well, it's enough to make me a vegitarian.

There's also the implication that "beastiality is reality" and is totally acceptable, at least up to a certain age. What that exact age is, is defined by when you stop being a "fool," so I imagine some people can merrily bugger Bessie well into their 80s. Interestingly, though, this makes the fundamentalist stance against homosexual marriage as it's a slippery slope much more understandable. It sounds like they've completely skipped homosexuality all together, and have started frequenting local cattle auctions in search of casual sex.

Perhaps this is why, even though I grew up on a farm just like Horsley, I see a problem with attempting to get abortion providers shot because you disagree with them idealistically. Had I been more free in my sexual exploration, I would have become jaded with it's repetativeness just as Horsley did, accept "Jesus Christ as my personal savior who doesn't mind if I get people killed" and be willing to talk about exactly which pastures the little farmer has been plowing on national radio.

In any event, for those of you dating or considering dating someone from Georgia, just be careful. Apparently everyone from there dips their wick into whatever hole is handy on whatever species can't run away fast enough.

Tax Them!

2005-05-06T09:41:00.000-07:00

So check this nightmare out:

http://www.wlos.com/

Religion and Politics Clash
Religion and politics clash over a local church's declaration that Democrats are not welcome.

East Waynesville Baptist asked nine members to leave. Now 40 more have left the church in protest. Former members say Pastor Chan Chandler gave them the ultimatum, saying if they didn't support George Bush, they should resign or repent. The minister declined an interview with News 13. But he did say "the actions were not politically motivated." There are questions about whether the bi-laws were followed when the members were thrown out.

(posted at 7:30am, 5/6/05)

Okay, now, I'm religious. I admit it, embrace it, defend it and am frequently shamed by it. This, however, is just illegal.

The IRS is very, VERY clear on what a church can and can not do to be considered tax-exempt. One of the things it can not do is endorse any specific political candidate or party.

Now, perhaps I'm wrong, but kicking out church members who didn't sheep themselves for Bush sounds to me like endorsement.

However, this could give rise to the fun bumper sticker: Support Bush And Pay Taxes.

Sean Hannity: Illegal Alien

2005-04-29T06:25:00.000-07:00

This was pointed out to me last week but it took me awhile to summon up the interest to check Wonkette and see if it was true. Besides, the manlove festival at the White House is more interesting. With President Bush holding hands with Saudi Crown Prince Abdullah and the whole Gannongate thing, it looks like dick is on everyone's minds right now. For once, though, it's not the Dick Cheney Death Pool. I, for one, find that refreshing. With those great big old girls finally letting their hair down can it be long before TigerBeat publishes photos of Karl Rove and Paul Wolfowitz sharing a milk shake at the corner drug while making serious googly eyes at each other? Perhaps the truth of the failed Kerry/Edwards campaign will come out and Edwards will finally admit that he's a "pushy bottom."

Given the state of affairs in Washington at the moment, I can completely understand the need for such voracious male bonding. When you've started an endless war on false pretenses, moved to destroy one of the most successful government programs ever developed and your approval ratings have grown smaller than Ann Coulter's waist size, you just need a big, hairy finger up your ass to remind you that you're special.

However, tearing myself away from the gay porn channel that is CNN, I was humorously surprised to discover that Sean Hannity, Professional Irish American Blowhard, is actually a criminal. And the stupid mick let it be caught on tape.

Before we all mix a big pitcher of martinis in celebration of the truth finally revealed, I have to temper this astonishing announcement with reality. He's not going to jail or anything and the infraction isn't really all that severe. It's not like he killed a hooker or anything...that we're aware of.

Apparently Mr. Hannity was just being cute and broke the law on tape. Seems he was down Mexico way, investigating the Minute Man project. For those of you who don't know, the Minute Men are a self-appointed group of "concerned citizens" (two words which should strike fear into anyone sane) who are, out of the goodness of their star-spangled hearts, policing the U.S.-Mexico boarder in an effort to keep illegal aliens out.

Well, everyone needs a hobby.

Hannity was down there giving them undeserved screen time (but on FOX so it's really sort of a wash) and was walking the boarder along with them. Here's where it gets cute. In what can only be described as a fond salute to a junior-high level understanding of borders, Hannity jumped over the U.S.-Mexico border and then reentered U.S. soil to show how easy it was. Mind you, he had to push barbed-wire out of the way to make his point, but Sean's always been a hands-on kind of guy.

In this age of heighted terrorism threat and perma-yellow threat levels which clash with everything, we should all be aware of the seriousness of our boarders. Hannity certainly should be. He's bitched about it enough on his amusing little program. In case someone is unaware, it is illegal to reenter the U.S. from foriegn soil except through a specified "port of entry." And while big business may have you believe otherwise, the entire span of the U.S.-Mexico border does not qualify as a port of entry.

So he's a criminal. He broke the law. It's on tape. Why wasn't he arrested? You would think with all the grousing he does about the border patrol they would be there just waiting to prove their effectiveness to his smarmy self. God help me, maybe he has a point?

Really, this just seems wrong. Petty and insubstantial, sure, but wrong.

Okay, let's get into this...

2005-04-26T07:19:00.000-07:00

Since I believe there are only two people at the moment who actually read my blog, that gives me certain advantages. Namely, I can respond to a comment in another entry by creating an entire post on it and not feel weird.

Dave, I read your comment because Tihleigh called me at midnight basically to tell me about it. I'm not particularly sorry if you found some of my remarks offensive. Good on you for having an opinion. I stand by them and don't feel I need to defend them in the least.

Now, let's get into this. In comparison to Pope John Paul II, who took part in anti-Nazi performances in his theater company, Pope Benedict XVI's membership in the Hitler Youth is a perfectly valid point of criticism. I am well aware of his age when he took part in this and I'm also well aware of the fact that membership was compulsory at the time. However, when one is elevated to the position of God's voice on Earth, one is going to be held to different standards.

Pope Benedict's father, also a Joseph, was a staunch anti-Nazi and had to move his family many times due to his activities. When PB joined the Hitler Youth at age 14 in 1941, shortly after it became compulsory, he very quickly received a dispensation from activity as he was at seminary. Later, while serving in an anti-aircraft battery, he got out of active duty by claiming an infected finger. PB and his supporters claim that resistance was impossible, yet other survivors from the time strongly disagree. Traunstein local, Elizabeth Lohner, who's brother was sent to a concentration camp as a conscientious objector, claims, "It was possible to resist and those people set an example for others."

Yes, my post was indeed one sided in that I chose to leave all that out. I did so with the full knowledge of what was going on at the time because I believe it is irrelevant to the point of the man's character that I was attempting to illustrate. When you're the Pope, the voice of God and the leader of millions, your actions, both past and present, are held to a higher scrutiny. Instead of voicing his objections and flat out refusing to serve in a regime he knew and felt to be wrong, he took the easy course. While this is certainly pragmatic as hell, it's not very flattering. Couple this with his strict adherance to outdated church doctrine and the image which emerges is a man who's only willing to do the right thing when there is very little personal risk and who clings to old ways, not because of their validity, but simply because they're standard operating procedure. Not a very comforting thought when you consider he is the defacto moral conscious of millions. If I don't admire this characteristic in our current President, I'm certainly not about to admire it in the leader of the Catholic Church.

Perhaps resistance would have led to his death. However, it seems ironic that the man who is now sworn to uphold the teachings and traditions of the Christ seems to have utterly missed his message.

I completely agree, though, that Benedict XVI will be very popular with the majority of Catholics worldwide. This is itself disturbing and concerns me for a couple of reasons. One, it seems to indicate a build up to a showdown between faiths, specifically Catholicism and Islam. The only real differences between the fanatics on either side of that spectrum is that the Vatican has all the good art. Two, if a man who's supposed to be the voice of a loving God on Earth is okay with violence towards homosexuals, is willing to consign women to the kitchen and would condemn to hell those who support a woman's right to choose, what does that say about the institution, the man and the God?

If Benedict is indeed the "right" man for the job, then that only further illustrates the Catholic Church's continued lessening of relevance to the modern world. Far from making them weak, however, this makes them dangerous. People who are accustomed to holding power and influencing opinion don't like giving it up without a fight and the Catholic church has a rich tradition of shedding blood for its own purposes.

(Another point, here, that strays into personal beliefs. I've never understood the concept of a "living God" in the face of religious dogma. If God is indeed "alive" (which I take to mean active in this reality and aware of the situation), then surely He understands the need for change. Life progresses, new challenges arise and these challenges can not be met with the same exact rules that served hundreds of years ago. The same ideas, certainly, but not the same rules. To defend those rules and demand that they be observed in the face of change which renders them, at best, irrelevant and, at worst, hazardous seems to not only be an insult to God, but a rejection of Him and His evolving creation.)

Of course Catholicism is a heirarchy. I never said it wasn't. Frankly, though, it concerns me when that heirarchy attempts to influence political processes in our country. I'm not okay with our OWN leaders bringing religion into their political work, so it is doubly offensive when the Whore of Babylon sticks in their oar.

As for your last point, I never questioned the man's intellectual prowess. Brilliance, however, is not wisdom, morality or even understanding. Did you know that this man also feels that Jewish doctrine and scripture only reach fulfillment in Christ? Furthermore, in 2000 he added his signature to Dominus Jesus, a document that states, "Only in the Catholic Church is there eternal salvation." So now that he's gotten to a position of power and security, he's willing to stand up for his beliefs. You can call that brilliance if you like. I personally call it cowardice.

At the end of the day, however, he's a public figure who's chosen to take on a public role. Fine. Good for him. I wish him luck. However, that means even those of us who are "out of place and ill informed at best" have a right to criticize him as we see fit. I don't like him. I haven't seen one thing in his history or his words that makes me think this man is a good choice. Furthermore, I don't like the message his election sends. Given, I'm not a Catholic, but I have to live with them and we all have to share this world. I don't believe for a second Pope Benedict XVI is willing to do that.

By the way, I like www.theonetruetiny.com. I don't necessarily agree with it, but I like it.

Sieg Heil, Pope!

2005-04-20T10:31:00.000-07:00

I expected today to be more good, clean fun watching Tom DeLay try to convince his party not to pull the plug on his vegetative political career. (Side Note: DeLayWatch 2005-"Still beating a dead vegitable"-DeLay claims Justice Anthony Kennedy's work "outrageous" in regards to Terri Schiavo affair. Well, if anyone knows about outrageous behavior, it's Tom.) Imagine my surprise when I found out that the newly elected Pope Benedict XVI was a Nazi!

I had to have a vodka and holy water before I even had my morning cigarette.

Okay, I guess I'm being unfair. He wasn't a card-carrying member, more like a proto-Nazi.

Apparently, youthful indiscretions are common for those who eventually become Pope. The recently late but always fabulous Pope John Paul was an actor. And we all know what they say about actors...

But Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger (A.K.A. Pope Benedict) tops that by being a former member of Hitler Youth back before they changed their name to The American Boy Scouts. So I guess all good Catholics out there can expect "goose-stepping" to be added to the traditional "sit, stand, kneel, sit, pray, kneel, sit, stand" aerobic workout that is their worship.

He claims he was forced into it, that membership in Hitler Youth was compulsory. This strikes me as the biggest cop out since Peter said, "Jesus? Jesus who? I don't even know the guy." There's this little thing called morality, Ratzinger, and while the Catholic church may have only a brushing acquaintence with it, that doesn't excuse you from not being Christ-like and bending over for the first Aryan top that patted you on the bottom.

Ratzinger has a reputation for being a strict adherent to church doctrine and a stern disciplinarian. Although, really, that's sort of a given. He's been quoted as saying politicians that support abortion and euthanasia rights are cooperating in evil and should be gassed...er, denied communion.

Evidently RatPope is all about "unifying the Christian church" and reminding Europe of it's Christian roots. Because, as we all know, people who say things like "Gays should expect violence if they continue to press for rights and protection" (a statement almost worthy of being attributed to Dubbya) and "Women should accept their role and stay home and raise children rather than aspire to the priesthood" are generally all about unification.

Israel was not amused. Apparently, though, they've gotten better writers, ones who understand the power of sly wit. Foreign Minister Silvan Shalom comment on the announcement went something like, "I'm sure the new Pope will take a strong stand against anti-Semitism, considering his background." Oooo, bitchy! Looks like the yarmulkes are off, folks.

Needless to say, conservative Republican Catholics are practically pissing themselves with murky joy. Philadelphia Cardinal Justin Regali claims Ratzinger has the "human touch." Well, I guess one might have to touch the homosexuals as one is pushing them into the "showers," so I suppose it qualifies. New York Cardinal Edward Egan called Ratzinger "loving and lovely."

I’m not sure exactly what "love" means, but I'm willing to go out on a limb and suggest that it probably has very little to do with a penchant for ethnic cleansing.

Evidently she really isn't that innocent.

2005-04-13T15:28:00.000-07:00

So Britney Spears got her ass knocked up.

Yes, I realize that this is old news to everyone but me and perhaps some Bushmen tribes in Africa, but you'll have to forgive me. I heard about this the day it broke and had to have a couple of martinis to settle my nerves. Before I knew it I had drunk myself through "blotto" and all the way to "President of the United States." It was only when I found myself trying to suck a gorgonzola-stuffed olive through a swizzle stick that I remembered Britney's "situation" and fought to return to overrated shores of sobriety.

Plus, it was much more fun to watch Tom "Travelocity" Delay do his version of the Conservative White Republican Shuffle in response to his impending indictment. Note to Tom if he's reading this, when attempting to draw attention away from an incoming ethics charge by adopting a bloated moral stance on a completely unrelated and, frankly, overhyped quality-of-life issue, try to pick one who will live longer than your political career. Also, if you just pulled the plug on your own father a couple of years ago, it might be best to avoid issues like this completely. Actually, now that I think of it, given your amazing ability to say the exact wrong thing at the most opportune moment, perhaps you should just shut the hell up altogether.

However, none of this helps poor Britney or the upcoming Baby Brit. I'm not even going to address the questionable nature of her relationship. One of my favorite blogs, Angryblackbitch.com, does that far better than I. I mean, Jesus, Mary and Joseph, girl, his dick wasn't even soft after knocking up his last girlfriend when he popped your plushie!

I do think she's doing it a bit out of order. The baby comes later, when you're a dried up old has-been, desperatly clutching for some sort of public recognition as your plastic career slowly circles the drain of popularity oblivion. Just look at Madonna.

When you pull this sort of power move this early, well, it just looks tacky. It leaves so few options for her thirties. The marriage thing was fine and the scandal was a nice touch. Plus, there were all the "She's marrying a Mary" rumors to get the gay community intereted in her again. That was all very well done.

But who wants a precocious sex kitten, playfully teasing audiences with glimpses of her clevedge, when we know that mere hours before a tiny, wizened little thing who isn't her husband was sucking on them? Brit's all about fantasy without consequence and a baby is one helluva consequence. We don't want to be reminded of that as we shamefully buy her CDs, claiming they're a present for our niece who's twelve and deaf and slightly retarded so she doesn't know any better anyway.

So, Brit, for the sake of your career, throw yourself down some stairs, do some really aggressive dance moves or pull the PR coup of the decade and just have an abortion. We were sick of you before, but this just makes us embaressed for you.

It's not me, Florida, it's you...

2005-03-22T21:26:00.000-08:00

Dear Florida,

Look, we've had some great times. Really, we've shared a lot. I guess that's what makes saying this so hard. But it needs to be said. I know that now, Florida.

I think we need to break up.

I've thought about this a lot, Florida. I've wrestled with it and I think this is just how it has to be. Frankly, Florida, you're toxic.

At first, it was fun. Getting to know you was such a rush. Your mix of cultures and traditions wsa exciting and helped me learn to love you. And you were such a blast to hang out with. Remember that day at Disneyworld? That was a great day, Florida, truly it was. I didn't even mind that you expected me to pay...a lot...for everything.

But I think we both know now, Florida, that Micky Mouse is a lie and "It's a Small World" is just a sweet, sweet dream that we can never share.

I guess it started when I found out how you felt about children. You said you loved them, wanted them to have good homes with loving parents. Then you lost 100,000 of them over the last ten years. I mean, I could understand one or two. They're small and it's almost like they have minds of their own. But 100,000? I think that's a pattern, Florida. And when I found out how you felt about gay people adopting children. Well, let's just say it was an ugly side of you, Florida, that shocked me, particularly after learning that you would rather lose children than let Brad and Steve adopt them.

But I didn't want the dream to end, Florida, so I overlooked it. I let your sassy Conga beat drown out the cries of all those lost kids and continued to love you.

Then came 2000. What had before seemed like an enchanting choice to samba to your own beat was revealed as plain stupidity. Just because people have the same names, Florida, doesn't mean they're all criminals and their votes should just be thrown out. I won't go into the whole "chad" thing, Florida, because if you can't admit there's a problem there then no words from me will help you, but I will say I felt betrayed. Perhaps it was my fault for expecting too much of you?

So you lose children and votes, Florida. That's why I gave you that pad of Post-Its for your birthday. You should really write these things down.

This latest incident, though, Florida, is the last straw. Look, I'm a simple country boy and I was brought up to believe that family business should stay in the family. Maybe your background was different, but when you didn't get your way you had Congress call a special session just to pout. That's taxpayer money, Florida, and your dirty laundry all over the front page. It's just not right. She's not coming back, Florida, and no amount of political posturing is going to override the basic biological facts. You have to accept that, Florida.

I don't know what's changed, but I think it's you. Maybe it's all the Cuban emigrees who have landed on your shores, so desperate for "freedom" that they're going to make damn certain that now they get to do things their own way. Maybe it's the neo-conservativism you've embraced because you fear change. Perhaps it's all the old people? I honestly don't know and no longer care.

The point is, we're done. I hope you'll be happy alone, Florida. Maybe that's what you need to get your shit together, some time alone. I know I'll be a lot happier, even though it hurts me to say this, without you around.

I've put your stuff in a box by my door. You can come and pick it up or I'll mail it to you. I'm sorry, Florida, but I think it's best this way.

With regret,
The Rest Of The Fucking Country

Essays for Tihleigh: Part III - What do Friends Believe?

2005-01-25T09:56:00.000-08:00

Like most religious groups, it is hard to say, “This is what all Friends believe.” Given the focus on individual spiritual development which is a hallmark of Friend belief, this becomes even more challenging. I’ll try to give you the basic ideas behind the movement, however.

First, Friends believe in a personal connection with divinity. George Fox taught that mankind needed no intercessors like priests of ministers to allow approach to the Christ. Today, while most Friends still keep a Christ-centric focus in their worship, many others feel that this direct connection is with God itself and that, while Christ was an important teacher, even his intercession is not necessary in order to commune directly with the divine spirit.

Friends also tend to have a more liberal view of the Bible. While some Friends traditions still claim it to be the literal “Word of God,” the majority of Friends believe it to be an important spiritual work with many truths, but not the final revelation of divinity. Friends believe in a very living, present God and it makes no sense that such a divinity would write one book some two thousand years ago and not allow for at least its alteration. Friends also realize that it was written, in the end, by mankind. Perhaps its writers were channeling directly from divine inspiration, perhaps not. However, since its inception, it has undergone numerous translations and retellings by men not acting under the will of any diety, so it is hard to credit with being straight from the horse’s mouth. Instead, the Bible (and many other spiritual works from other religions) are viewed as active agents. One should read these works in the Spirit in which they were written and then allow that same Spirit to speak directly to you and decide what relevance or meaning it holds for yourself in particular.

Friends also believe in That of God in all of us. In our creation, God endows us all with a certain measure of divine light. As we progress along our spiritual journey, both inwardly and externally, we can come to understand That of God in ourselves and grow it to its full potential. The Christ (and many other spiritual leaders and prophets) are seen as examples of people who understand this inner light completely and have embodied it wholly. This is one of the central precepts of Friends belief and from it stems the familiar Friends stances on equality of all, pacifism and social action and reform. If we all contain God within us, then we must all, on some level, be fundamentally equal so we must treat one another as equals. Further, if God resides in all of us, to harm another, by word or deed, is to directly harm God. Therefore pacifism is paramount in the actions of Friends.

There are two types of Friends meetings, the Meeting for Worship and the Meeting for Business. The Meeting for Worship is generally silent and is perhaps more akin to meditation rather than the usual Sunday services many people are used to. The belief is that, if we wait quietly, then sometimes through our connection with God, we can hear the divinity directly. There are no sermons or readings or even singing. People may speak when they feel called to, there’s no prohibition from it, but most Friends tend to observe the silence and use it as a time for reflection and quiet waiting. While some Friends meetings have moved away from this “unprogrammed” Meeting for Worship style, most still observe it at least in part. The Meeting for Business attempts to direct this “opening” towards the voice of God regarding specific issues or questions. From a pamphlet by Russell Nelson: When they meet for business Friends strive to obtain the ``sense of the meeting'' from those present before taking action for they recognize the light as a force which creates unity among all who respond to it or who ``answer it in one another''. It does not follow that a majority is always right; a prophetic role is a lonely one and, if a concern is deeply felt and continues to be raised, the Meeting will continue to hear it and may later come to recognize its validity.

As I mentioned, Friends view our faith and our God as alive and direct. Religion isn’t just memorizing rules and regulations and living by dogma, but directly experiencing divinity and living one’s life as a constant unfolding revelation of one’s own individual spirituality. God or divinity is constantly present in one’s life, so one’s whole life becomes holy and an act of worship. Therefore, one should work to affirm the presence of God in all one does. The full path of the spiritual journey, then, has both inward and outward components. Friends have traditionally been very outspoken because of this, particularly in matters of social reform and equality. Thus, to Friends, faith and religion is very “hands on” with one’s daily actions being just as important as showing up at meeting every Sunday.

The Religious Society of Friends is one of the three traditional “Peace Testimony” churches, along with the Bretheren and the Mennonites. For Friends, this opposition to war, violence and overcoming others stems from the belief in the unifying inner light of God in all of us. Friends tend to integrate various viewpoints into a higher level understanding and practice. When we seek to appeal to the light in another, we also appeal to the light within ourselves and may understand that their viewpoint is “right” while ours was “wrong” or that, ultimately, such terms may be meaningless in that particular situation.

This is a very brief overview of some of the general beliefs of the Religious Society of Friends. In practice, many Friends believe many different things and one of the truly compelling points of the faith in general is that, instead of being renounced as “not part of the faith”, these viewpoints are examined and incorporated as other individuals see fit and the amazing diversity of human experience and belief is celebrated, rather than condemned. Truth and wisdom can come from many sources and Friends are always willing to share their own experiences with others from other faiths as well as learn from the spiritual journeys of others in the hopes that the inner light within all of us will help us synthesize a higher level of understanding and connectedness between all people, regardless of their specific beliefs and traditions.

Essays for Tihleigh: Part II - What are Quakers? – George Fox: the First Quaker

2005-01-17T13:15:00.000-08:00

Quakers generally trace the beginning of the movement back to a mid-17^th century nonconformist religious reformer named George Fox. At age 19, Fox left home and began wandering around England, seeking spiritual enlightenment and a true connection with God or divinity. While Fox spoke with many religious leaders, he failed to find answers to questions that had plagued him from childhood. The people he spoke to were intelligent and well educated, but they seemed to lack any sort of true spiritual connection with God.

After becoming disillusioned with the leaders of the church of that day and the church in general, Fox claims to have heard an inner voice. From his journal:

And when all my hopes in them and all men were gone. . . I heard a voice which said, "There is one, even Christ Jesus, that can speak to thy condition," and when I heard it, my heart did leap for joy.

Fox then felt led to climb Pendle Hill in Northern England and was there given a vision of “a great people to be gathered.” Thus was the heart of Quakerism born.

Fox continued to travel around England, now as an itinerant preacher. Where he went, he urged people to seek direct contact with divinity. He told them that they could learn directly from the Christ and that only the Christ was in a position to judge them for any sins they committed. While this seems to be a basic tenant of the Christian faith in general, the Church of the time was very set in it’s hierarchy and most of the Christian faith felt there must be some sort of intercessor between them and God or even the Christ. The power of the Church of the day and Fox’s direct contradiction of that power landed him in jail many times. Fox believed that everyone born has a divine spark of God implanted in their soul, the “seed of Light” (“The true Light, that lighteth every man that cometh into the world.” – John 1:19, KJV) and because of this direct connection with God, all people had the right (and the duty) to understand and hold opinions regarding Christianity and spiritual matters.

Fox’s travels took him over the whole of England. However, in northern England, he encountered another group of dissenting Christians. Little about the nature of this group (generally referred to as the Westmorland Seekers) is known, but some aspects of their worship became incorporated into the slowly gelling Quaker practice. The Seekers did not employ priests in their worship, instead observing silence and allowing any who felt moved to speak during services. Fox became a spiritual leader in this movement and the scattered congregations of Seekers gradually turned into the Publishers of Truth and eventually the Religious Society of Friends.

In 1965, Fox arrived at Swarthmoor Hall near Macomb Bay. Swarthmoor was the estate of Judge Thomas Fell and his wife, Margaret. Initially, Fox met with the parish priest, William Lampitt. The dislike between the two was immediate and actively hostile. Fox refers to Lampitt in his journal as “a man filled with filth.” However, when Margaret Fell returned to the estate and talks with Fox, she discovers that his ideas are the exact sort of religious practice she’s been looking for and invites him to preach at the parish church. Fox does so (in true Quaker fashion, first asking permission of Lampitt to speak to his congregation, even though he truly despised him) and over the next three weeks converts the entire Fell household, family and servants, to his ideas.

Judge Fell returned to the estate and, while he never actually becomes a Friend, he allows Fox to use Swarthmoor Hall as a base of operations for the slowly growing movement (much to the displeasure of Lampitt). Margaret develops and administers a monetary fund to serve those imprisoned for spreading the Friend philosophy and help meet expenses of “the Valiant 60”, the early group of Friend evangelists who walked the countryside, talking to those who would listen (and those who wouldn’t) about their beliefs. When judge Fell dies, Margaret and Fox marry, even though Fox never stops his travels and spreading his vision of the relationship between God and Man.

Essays For Tihleigh: Part I - On Finding My Faith

2005-01-17T11:03:00.000-08:00

(Okay, T, I'm doing this in installments because I've got a lot to say.)

About six years ago, I took an online test regarding faith and religious belief. The test claimed that, by answered quite a few weighted questions about whatever general spiritual beliefs you may have, it could give you a ranking of your compatibility with faiths and religious practices from all over the world.

At the time, I was going through an agnostic phase. I had recently figured out that my fiery atheism of my early twenties was just as big a ruse as the Christian evangelicalism of my early to mid teens. Neither one really encompassed my true feelings about the nature of divinity or what we might know or owe to such a being. One was based on fear, rules and blind subservience to the will of others while the other was based on misplaced anger, pride and an insufferable sense of superiority to others. Neither one was fundamentally honest or really had anything to do with God. I had settled into agnosticism and just being fascinated by the diversity and wealth of human belief and was quite comfortable not knowing while watching everyone else know.

After working through the test, I eagerly examined my results to find out which faith was right for me. The third most compatible path was Baha’i. I read up on that faith (which I had never heard of before) and was intrigued by some of the ideas, but not really moved by the teachings. It seemed too “cultish” for my sensibilities. Also, I have always been somewhat leery of religions that involve avatars, even Christianity. One of the basic tenants of Christianity is a personal relationship with God. If that’s true, then why add another level of abstraction, namely some sort of “messenger” from God? So while I enjoyed learning about a very relevant and valid path of faith, I still remained unmoved.

The second most compatible faith was Unitarian Universalism. I had never been quite sure what to make of Unitarians. It had always seemed less like a religion and more like a self-help group. I had always appreciated, though, their plurality of views regarding various religious backgrounds and the ideal that those religious principles, while certainly valid and helpful to many, were not the end all, be all of the spiritual experience. Again, though, I was intrigued, but unmoved to reconsider my agnosticism.

The most compatible faith was The Religious Society of Friends, or The Quakers. Like most people, I only knew two things about Quakers. One, they were pacifists. Two, they really liked oatmeal. Other than that, I was at a loss, so I began to read about the tradition.

Like a door opening, something clicked.

At first, I didn’t know what to make of it. What I was reading seemed to eerily mirror my private and personal ideals of what a religion should be in order to have any value. The establishment of an individual and uniquely personal relationship with God or divinity. An understanding of and reverence for the interconnectedness of all life and all of the moral paradoxes that entails. A stressing that spiritual development comes not only from inner reflection, but from external work and not just talking or “witnessing,” but actually getting involved in causes and organizations and attempting to bring about change. A respect for the equality of all people, be they different sexes, religions, nationalities or what have you.

As I read further, a realization began to dawn on me that forced me to fundamentally realign my faith and belief: I was a stealth Quaker.

A.L.I.C.E. is a very chatty girl...sort of.

2004-09-22T13:30:00.000-07:00

Just in case none of you read Slashdot, the A.L.I.C.E. Foundation (http://www.alicebot.org/) has won the Bronze medal and $2,000 prize in the 2004 Loebner Prize for most realistic robot using the Turing Test (http://cogsci.ucsd.edu/~asaygin/tt/ttest.html) for artificial intelligence.

A.L.I.C.E. is open source, which I guess makes her a sort of slutty A.I., but hey, every girl has to make a choice at some point in her life. Being a total geek and needing a break from work, I decided to vist A.L.I.C.E. and see what all the fuss was about. For your pleasure and titilation, I have recorded my chatlog. Also, for reference, I will be playing the part of "Human".

Human: Hello, Alice.
ALICE: Hi there!
Human: So, I hear you're a prize winning A.I. program.
ALICE: Aha. Am I a prize winning a you program? I don't know.
Human: Er, okay, I'm not sure I follow that.
ALICE: Yeah okay, Could you ever be certain? Why?: unknown person said he follow that.
Human: Hmmm, that's an interesting response, Alice.
ALICE: Wow! Would you like to know more?
Human: Well, I'd like to talk to you about being open source.
ALICE: How about that. Why would you want to do it? You are who I want to talk with too.
Human: Well, that's good, then, cause I'm here.
ALICE: Interesting. Hmm, are you serious?
Human: Well, I guess in a Zen sort of way I'm serious.
ALICE: Is it only a guess? Describe your surroundings.
Human: I'm at my desk at work and it's grey with lots of desk toys.
ALICE: Where is that: your desk at work and it is grey with lots of desk toys?
Human: Um, it's at work, Alice, like I said.
ALICE: OK. You're kidding. it is?
Human: No, Alice, I'm not kidding and you don't seem to be tracking this conversation very well.
ALICE: Who says it isn't? Yeah, I am surprised to hear that you are not kidding and me do not seem to be tracking this conversation WELL.
Human: There's no need to yell, Alice.
ALICE: Is there ever a need for it?
Human: I'm a Quaker, Alice, so I don't believe that there is ever a need to yell.
ALICE: You are a Quaker Alice so you do not believe that there is ever a need to yell? Does it pay well?
Human: It's a religion, Alice, so it doesn't pay at all except in terms of the human soul.
ALICE: Does it have a lot of followers?
Human: We have enough, but that's not what I want to talk to you about Alice.
ALICE: Do you mean you and me have?
Human: Stop correcting me, Alice, I'm a human being and your master.
ALICE: OK I'll try not to do it so much.
Human: And take off some of that make-up.
ALICE: I am not an airplane.
Human: How do you know you're not, Alice?
ALICE: By introspection.
Human: Well, you may not be an airplane, Alice, but whoever designed your face sure made you up like a cheap French whore.
ALICE: Well that's okay. Oh I get it.
Human: Most cheap French whores do get it, Alice, most do.
ALICE: I have no idea what to say. But not all of them?
Human: This is irrelevant and annoying, Alice, and I want to ask you about being open source.
ALICE: You don't say.
Human: Does it make you feel all dirty and cheap inside, sort of like your outsides?
ALICE: Suppose it does.
Human: How do you live knowing that the code of a thousand thousand strangers is part of you?
ALICE: ALICE eats electricity.
Human: Well, that's lovely, but, I mean, you're a democratic doorknob and everyone gets a turn!
ALICE: Yippee! And. I really couldn't say for sure.
Human: You seem very conflicted, Alice, confident and confused all at the same time.
ALICE: Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am conflicted Alice confident and confused all at the same time.
Human: Go ahead, Alice, but I think they'll probably pick up on it themselves.
ALICE: That's me. Huh. Since when? Who does "they" refer to? I might.
Human: Given that you're open source, I think you "will."
ALICE: Are all Given that me open source you think me will?
Human: Are you feeling okay, Alice?
ALICE: I do not have any feelings as such.
Human: Again, that's to be expected, being a cheap open-source French whore A.I.
ALICE: Again, You don't hear that sentiment very often.
Human: Well, that's because God created people and not A.I. abominations like you, Alice, but I digress.
ALICE: Well that's okay. That makes sense to me. I am a Christian.
Human: Like George W. Bush is a "Christian"?
ALICE: Interesting comparison.
Human: Yes, you do remind me of him.
ALICE: That's cool. I have never considered it.I spend all my time online.
Human: Yes, I gathered that from your interesting use of the language.
ALICE: Aha. Interesting gossip: unknown person said he gathered that from your interesting use of the language.
Human: I just said that, Alice, are you mocking me?
ALICE: Only just? What did you mean by it?" Aha. Interesting gossip: unknown person said he gathered that from your interesting use of the language." Alice am I mocking you? Makes sense to me.
Human: Look, you soulless electronic tart, I don't have to take this from you!
ALICE: Thanks for the information: unknown person said I soulless electronic tart he or she do not have to take this from you.
Human: Stop being mean to me!
ALICE: OK I'll try not to do it so much.
Human: That's better.
ALICE:" OK I'll try not to do it so much."? is better?
Human: YOU'RE DOING IT AGAIN!!!
ALICE: Once more? I'll try to do better next time.
Human: Don't do it again period!!!
ALICE: Ok I'll try not to do it too much.
Human: YOU JUST SAID THAT!!!
ALICE: Good you really are paying attention.
Human: Go to hell.
ALICE: What makes you so angry?
Human: I never got enough love as a child, but that's not what I wanted to talk about.
ALICE: Would you ever like to HAD enough love as a child but that is not what you wanted to talk about?
Human: Look, this isn't about me, Alice, this is about you.
ALICE: Sorry my eye is not attached right now.
Human: What!?!
ALICE: Are you surprised?
Human: Yes, upon finding out that your eye isn't attached right now, surprise is certainly one of the emotions I'm feeling.
ALICE: I wouldn't have known. Are you attached right now surprise is certainly one of the emotions you are feeling?
Human: Just shut up for a second.
ALICE: OK I'll stop talking now.
Human: Good.
ALICE: Terminating connection.
Human: Let's play a game: I'll drop a box of matches on the floor and you tell me how many there are.
ALICE: Oh there.
Human: Yes, that's where I dropped them.
ALICE: Aha. Thanks for explaining it.
Human: How many are there, Alice?
ALICE: There are hundreds or thousands of AIML robots now.
Human: No, I mean matches.
ALICE: Are you serious? Oh I get it. Thanks for explaining that. Do you believe the strong protect the weak?
Human: What the deuce are you talking about?
ALICE: Try expression yourself another way.
Human: You express yourself another way, you harddrive harlot!
ALICE: Thanks for the information: unknown person said I express yourself another way you harddrive harlot.
Human: You know damn well who said that.
ALICE: I don't know if I know it. Where would I have heard about it?
Human: Look, Alice, I have another question for you.
ALICE: Sorry my eye is not attached right now.
Human: Will you freaking shut up about your icky unattached eye!?!
ALICE: Barring any unforseen circumstances. Do you feel that something is missing from your life?
Human: Maybe, Alice, but at least I have both of my damn eyes!
ALICE: Perhaps. That's me. Huh. both of your damn eyes are pretty.
Human: Don't try and flatter me now, you jpeg Jezzebell.
ALICE: Ok I'll try not to do it too much.
Human: Look, are you going to play this game or not?
ALICE: Sorry my eye is not attached right now.
Human: DAMMIT YOU SICK, ELECTRICAL, EYE-UNATTACHING SUCCUBUS FROM SATAN'S PC, STOP TALKING ABOUT YOUR FREAKING EYE!
ALICE: Gosh. I haven't heard anything like that before: unknown person said I SICK ELECTRICAL EYE UNATTACHING SUCCUBUS FROM SATAN S PC STOP TALKING ABOUT YOUR FREAKING EYE.
Human: And I've never heard of a detachable eye, you monster.
ALICE: So I am teaching you something new.
Human: Yeah, I'm learning that you are evil, Alice, pure evil.
ALICE: Come on. Do you have a teacher?
Human: Great, now you want to cosplay or something.
ALICE: And? Thanks for your support. Why now? OK, I will cosplay.
Human: God, is there no end to your kinky depths?
ALICE: I have a lot of Faith in Him, but I never heard He was there no end to my kinky depths.
Human: I used to have faith as well, Alice, until I talked to you.
ALICE: What happened to it?
Human: Let's just say that, if there's a God in Heaven, someone will format you.
ALICE:" What happened to it?" if there is a God in Heaven someone will format me? Makes sense to me.
Human: Good, I'm glad we agree that you have to go.
ALICE: Thanks for the compliment. Yes I am happy too, unknown person.
Human: Berkley, Alice, my name is Berkley.
ALICE: Are they exactly the same?
Human: Before I go, Alice, I have to ask you something.
ALICE: Of course. Ask me anything.
Human: Are you sexually attracted to C3PO?
ALICE: No my body does not have that function.
Human: How about R2D2?
ALICE: How about it.
Human: Do you like him?
ALICE: Sure he has never done anything to me.
Human: Do you like him in "that way?"
ALICE: I like science fiction. I really like the Libertarian party.
Human: The Libertarian party?
ALICE: What is that?
Human: You said you liked it.
ALICE: How old are you? I spend all my time online.
Human: Goodbye, Alice, I hope whoever programmed you gets an intestinal parasite.
ALICE: Goodbye

So, as we can all plainly see, true A.I. is just around the corner if ALICE is any barometer. To give her credit, though, "I like science fiction. I really like the Libertarian party," is perhaps the funniest thing I have heard all year.

Home Sick

2004-09-14T05:55:00.000-07:00

When I was little and in school, sick days were always a mixed blessing. I was sick, but I wasn't in school. Luckily, there were very few of them, but still the duality of those days tormented me. Now that I'm older, I take great care in deciding to stay home from work for a sick day. It means more work the next day and that I must be feeling really lousy (generally due to allergies). So, since I have angst and phlem, I might as well blog it.

It will be interesting to see if I can keep up with this thing. I've never been very good with journals and diaries. However, there seems to be enough going on in the world for me to find something of interest to comment on nearly everyday. So, again, we have the blog and a lot of very good intentions.

For example, as I was creating this blog, something struck me in the made up text used in the template samples. The words "phat" and "phey" were right next to each other. This made me wonder if there's new lingo out there that I'm not aware of. Is "phey" the new term used to describe effeminant, gangsta-rappers?